57-year-old Hednesford woman plans her own living funeral to make lasting memories
A grandmother from Hednesford carefully planned and organised her own living wake, despite battling Stage 4 cancer, so that her loved ones had freshly-made happy memories of her enjoying herself until the end.
Funerals and wakes allow us to celebrate the life of a loved one, but why do we wait until they’ve passed away? 57-year-old Nicola Walker who was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer in 2021, found herself asking the same question and took matters into her own hands to ensure she could bring everyone together while there was still time.
Nicola planned a living funeral for herself whilst she was still feeling healthy. The celebration, which took place in September at Western Hall in Stafford, brought together old school pals, colleagues, as well as friends and family from across the country. Her daughter Emily reflects on how much the event meant to Nicola.
“I honestly don’t think she expected so many people to turn up. When everyone started arriving her face just lit up as she saw how many people had come to see her, it truly made Mum realise how loved she was.
“Mum didn’t make her illness the focal point of the party to help people feel at ease. She wanted to make sure everyone had a good evening without the focus being a farewell. It was also important to her that nobody saw her as ‘unwell’ or ‘dying’ and instead remembered her as the loving and bubbly person she was.”
Despite her deteriorating health, Nicola spent the evening talking and laughing with everyone, enjoying every moment of the party.
Emily adds: “Mum never liked being the centre of attention but on this one night, for the only time in her life, she absolutely loved it.
“The evening gave us such a special opportunity to make lasting memories with her. Mum has never been a big dancer, but she had us all up and dancing to ‘Saturday Night Fever’, including my little boy who’s just turned four, and now we all have this moment to cherish.
“There were times, in between the chatter, that I had to go up and tell her to sit down and take a second to breathe, but she was determined to make the most of the night despite her health.”
Nicola passed away three weeks after holding her living funeral on 20 October 2024. Claire Jones, a Personal Funeral Advisor at family-run funeral director Jennifer Ashe & Son, answered Emily’s call the following day and talked her through the support they could provide and the next steps of planning her mum’s funeral.
“Making the call to the Jennifer Ashe team the very next day felt a bit soon, but the support they offered was invaluable, both in terms of planning the funeral and helping me navigate my grief. They made an incredibly challenging process manageable, and they approached everything with humanity, taking the time to ensure I was coping as best I could.
“I was able to make Mum's funeral just the way she would have wanted it, from the coffin down to the music choice. We’d talked about her wishes several times and the ceremony really reflected who she was – she would have loved it.”
Emily is incredibly grateful that her Mum chose to have a living funeral and hopes that others will consider them as a way to make memories with loved ones before it’s too late.
“I can honestly say it was the best night of Mum's life. It made her realise just how loved she was and gave her a chance to say goodbye without having to say goodbye. As a society, we need to make sure we are taking enough time to see loved ones, and bringing family and friends together shouldn’t be left for funerals.”
Claire added: “As a team we help families create meaningful celebrations for their loved ones after they’ve passed, but these memorial gatherings don’t have to wait until after death. As many turn away from the traditional styles of funerals, considering alternative offerings and personalised features, living wakes are becoming a growing trend.
“This emerging type of celebration provides a wonderful opportunity to come together, share memories, and create lasting moments before it’s too late while facing the taboo around death and funerals head-on by encouraging healthy conversation around the topic.”
Jennifer Ashe & Son Funeral Directors is an award-winning, family-run funeral director, established in 2016 with branches now open in Willenhall, Brownhills, Hednesford, Lichfield, Oxley and Walsall. The team specialises in providing a supportive and caring service for families across the West Midlands and Staffordshire during difficult times of bereavement.
