Generations of foster carers

For more than 12 years, Sylvia and her husband, Steve, have welcomed 11 children into their home and are currently caring for three. They met while working at a local factory, where Steve had a son living with him. After the passing of Sylvia’s mother, she felt disillusioned with factory life. “I realised I wanted to work from home and had considered fostering for some time. When I saw an advert for Nexus Fostering, I arranged my first visit for the very next day.”

Looking back on her journey, Sylvia shares, “I’ve never regretted it; it has genuinely been the best decision of my life, I absolutely love it. Shortly after we were approved, we welcomed a wonderful seven-year-old girl in December 2012. I tried to envision how frightened she must have felt during those initial days and weeks in an unfamiliar home.”

Not long after, they welcomed a seven-year-old boy from the Czech Republic who spoke very little English. “He’s been with us for nine years now and has been amazing. We’ve never had any issues with him; he’s excelled in school and is now preparing to enter sixth form. We’re incredibly proud of him,” Steve said. “Watching him grow over the years has been one of my fondest memories. He’s so focused on studying his A Levels now, including Computer Science and Economics. He loves gaming and buying games, so we suggested he get a part-time job to fund his hobby. One afternoon, he took our advice and found a weekend job at the café in our village.”

Family contact can be complicated for children in foster care. “Our young boy has difficulty with family connections, but he knows we’ll always support him. Recently, he said to me in the car, ‘Can you believe, Sylvia, you’ve had me longer than my mum?’ I told him I feel so lucky.”

They recognise the difficult aspects of fostering as well. “As foster carers, we attend numerous meetings where we learn about the challenging lives and traumas the children have faced before coming to us. It’s heartbreaking, and it’s hard to grasp that such terrible things can happen.”

Sylvia reflects on one of the most challenging moments: “When our girl turned 15, we encountered behavioural issues, and she voiced a desire to move out. That was one of the hardest experiences in my fostering journey. We did everything possible for her—she had a loving home and went on two holidays a year with us, but it still wasn’t enough at that point. On the day she said goodbye, I could see she didn’t truly want to leave, but her stubbornness prevented her from staying.”

However, the couple stays close to her even now. “She told us she regretted leaving right away, but we continue to be her support system. Now at 18, she has a beautiful baby and lives in her own flat with a wonderful boyfriend. We helped her with essentials for her new home and even organised a baby shower before her baby arrived. She will always be a part of our family.”

The couple also cared for a young girl on a Nexus 360 placement for six months. Steve remembered, “She arrived the week before Christmas, and the first three months were wonderful. However, she began reconnecting with friends from home, which led to self-harm. We had to go to the hospital about five times while she was with us, and that was incredibly difficult for us.”

Allegations can be a challenging part of fostering. Sylvia shared, “It’s my worst nightmare. You have to be extremely careful; if an allegation arises, I worry about our young boy and whether it could impact our ability to keep him.” Steve added, “With one of our children, I was aware that she had made previous allegations against other carers, so I installed a dash cam in the car while driving her to school and work every day, just to protect myself in case anything happened.”

In addition to their young boy, they care for two sisters who were just 1 and 10 when they joined Sylvia and Steve’s family over two years ago. The sisters keep in regular contact with their mother. “Initially, the eldest took on a motherly role for the youngest, but now she’s able to enjoy being a typical ten-year-old again.” The siblings, who have Jamaican heritage, posed some learnings for the couple, particularly when it came to hair care. “When they first arrived, we contacted another Nexus Fostering carer for advice on the eldest’s hair. Now, we have a local hairdresser that we take her to regularly. They both have beautiful hair.”

The couple reflects on the memorable moments of their fostering journey so far. Steve said, “Watching the children grow up has been the most rewarding experience for me, along with celebrating Christmas and holidays.” Sylvia added, “We took the girls to Turkey, which was their first time on a plane. They even got to go into the cockpit, and they absolutely loved it.”

Steve continued, “Every New Year’s Eve, we take the whole family to a local hotel to celebrate the party. The children look forward to it and really enjoy themselves. We all come together to celebrate and dance; it’s fantastic.”

Fostering offers the couple both flexibility and freedom. Sylvia explained, “After the breakfast and school run, we have our own time. We often go out for breakfast or lunch. Our son and his girlfriend are wonderful with the children, so if we want to go out in the evening, they can look after them for us.”

The couple highly recommends fostering with Nexus Fostering to anyone looking to make a difference. “Nexus Fostering is absolutely fantastic; we couldn’t fault them at all. Everyone is so friendly, and the support is outstanding.”

If you’re interested in becoming a foster carer and helping local children in the Birmingham area, reach out to Nexus Fostering today at 0800 389 0143 or visit nexusfostering.co.uk .

Nexus Fostering also hosts monthly drop-in mornings for fostering inquiries. Join them for a coffee and a chat on Friday, 6 December from 10.30am to 11.30am, where you can speak with a member of the local team about becoming a foster carer.