The Express & Star's Wolves Christmas gifts

Walter Zenga

Ah, Walter. How we enjoyed your endearing Italian mannerisms.

The outlandish gesticulations, the charming slightly broken English, the unbridled touchline passion.

It was great while it lasted.

However those of you who follow Zenga on Instagram will be aware of his penchant for posting Wolves-related pictures and saying how much he misses the place, usually adding the hashtags #OnceAWolfAlwaysAWolf and #WolvesAyWe.

That's great, that's healthy, that's not weird in the slightest. After all, it's only been two months since he was sacked.

We've all had that ex who just can't stop liking your Facebook pics months months after you've broken up. You have sympathy for a little bit. But then....just stop it.

So for you Walter this Christmas it can only be a copy of the movie Frozen.

Altogether now, "let it gooo, let it goooooo".

Jonjo Shelvey

A copy of the Equality Act 2010 wouldn't go amiss for young Jonjo, in light of recent events.

Or how about best-selling book The Power of Humility, by Dr R T Kendall? After all, Shelvey seems intent on informing everyone how much money he earns (calling Dominic Iorfa a peasant and repeating a similar line to a Nottingham Forest player during their recent game against Newcastle).

He could also probably do with a new pencil case for his forthcoming FA education course. Enjoy that, Jonjo.

But what he'll surely find most useful is a set of earplugs. He'll certainly need them on February 11 when Newcastle visit Molineux.

Nouha Dicko

Pretty straightforward one, this.

Nouha, it's been 503 days since your last goal for Wolverhampton Wanderers.

That works out as almost 72 weeks. Or 12,072 hours.

We're all absolutely desperate for you to score. You've worked so damned hard to get back from injury - there won't have been a more popular goalscorer at Molineux for a very long time.

If you need some inspiration, here's the motion picture Goal.

Jon Dadi Bodvarsson

Talking of strikers who can't find the net, it's been 18 games since Jon Dadi Bodvarsson scored for Wolves.

But it's clear to anyone who has watched him over the past few months that he is absolutely knackered. Shattered. Worn out. Done in.

If he was a boxer the white towel would have been waved. If he was a horse he'd be on his way to the knacker's yard.

The guy can barely raise his arms for the Bodvarsson clap anymore.

You can hardly blame him. He's moved country twice this year (Viking to Kaiserslautern in January, Kaiserslautern to Wolves in August) and had the enjoyable palaver of reaching the quarter finals of the Euros with Iceland in the summer.

He hasn't had a break for TWO YEARS.

We all want to see the Bodvarsson that started the season with such vim and vigour. So, Jon, take a break.

Take a travel cushion wherever you go and have a little sleep whenever you get the chance.

Kevin Thelwell

In the absence of Jez Moxey (who will no doubt be tucking into a Delia-inspired turkey today - perks of the job) someone has to take the blame for absolutely everything that goes wrong at Wolves.

Step forward the new fall-guy, Kevin Thelwell.

Wolves lost a match - Thelwell's fault. Wolves aren't going to spend much money in January - Thelwell's fault. The video screens aren't working - Thelwell's fault.

Yes, the guy who is continuously blamed for signing Paul Gladon, despite having absolutely nothing at all to do with the transfer, had better get used to being public enemy number one. That's just the way it is.

A tin hat seems a more than appropriate gift.

David Edwards

What else can this guy be powered by? It must be Duracell batteries, surely (other batteries are available).

And he'll need plenty more over the coming seasons after signing a two-and-a-half year contract (with the option of another season), meaning Edwards could be at Molineux until 2020.

A loyal servant, whose name the fans have started singing, is likely to be just the second non-academy player since Mike Stowell to have lasted 10 years in a Wolves shirt, Jody Craddock being the other.

Ola John

I'm going out on a limb here, bear with me, but I've a sneaking suspicion Ola John won't be at Wolves for 10 years. Just call me a maverick.

Since arriving from Benfica on loan in the summer John has played 27 minutes of Championship football.

Granted he's been injured for a few weeks now, but let's be honest he wasn't doing a fat lot before then anyway.

So the best chance Ola has of playing football with Wolves is on Fifa 17.

Lend it to Silvio (two league appearances) and Paul Gladon (two league appearances) when you're done, Ola.

Steve "Morts" Morton

This popular member of Wolves' backroom staff is also their busiest.

With Wolves now having more players than fans, Steve "Morts" Morton has quite the job on his hands looking after thousands of shirts, shorts and socks (not to mention gloves, leg-warmers, shirts under the shirts, snoods, etc, etc) that need ferrying to training and matches.

Give that guy a pay rise.

Connor Ronan

Has the emergence of Connor Ronan made anyone else feel very old?

The guy was born in 1998 for goodness sake. Anyway, he'll need a shaving kit in about six years.

In all seriousness, what a talent and what a future. Merry Christmas Connor and to everyone at Wolverhampton Wanderers.

We all look forward to the rollercoaster continuing in 2017.