Matt Maher: Football’s many lawmakers are plumbing the depths of farce
A large factor in football’s popularity has always been its simplicity.
You never have to waste much time explaining to newcomers the format and purpose of the game.
No need to worry about overs, or the complexities of the breakdown: kick the ball, not your opponent; you can use your head but not your hands and try to get it between those white sticks at the end of the field.
The offside rule was always the tricky part, as demonstrated in the famous Fast Show sketch when John Thomson’s brilliant glory hunter parody, Roger The Nouveau Football Fan, used a variety of condiments as he struggled in vain to explain the law to his dinner guests.
Except offside was never all that complicated. After watching or playing a couple of games, you easily got the hang of it.
At least that was the case until now. After several years of tinkering, which meant it was OK to be offside so long as you weren’t interfering with play, the interpretation used by Jon Moss in Villa’s defeat at Manchester City last week was a new one on pretty much everyone. “After 500 games as a manager, there are not too many things which come and surprise you in terms of the laws of the game,” said Villa boss Dean Smith, who ended up serving a one-match touchline ban for his protests.
Despite the Premier League’s officiating body PGMOL insisting Moss had got the decision right, the feeling among the majority of observers was his application of the law risked opening a can of worms.
“An unpalatable loophole” was how former top flight ref Dermot Gallagher described it.
Eventually PGMOL and IFAB, the sport’s international lawmakers, had no choice but to agree, promptly closing it.
While too late for Villa and Dean Smith’s wallet, at least common sense has prevailed. Now we only have to worry about what does or doesn’t constitute handball – another law which has caused plenty of recent grief.
When assessing the fashion for tinkering with the rules, a scene from another comedy show springs to mind.
When Father Ted notices a small dent in his car, he uses a hammer to tap it out but in turn creates another one. In the same manner as football’s lawmakers, he just can’t help himself. When the camera eventually pans back, it is revealed that with hundreds of tiny taps he has destroyed the vehicle. He lets out a scream.
Those of us grappling with football’s increasingly befuddling rule book know the feeling.
