Bag minder, muscle, chauffeur - the ref's mum

Silently seething behind the 'Respect the Ref' tape, I am struggling to contain my wrath.

A know-it-all parent insists on disputing an off-side flag with anyone who will listen – and those who would rather not.

There is always one – a 'could-have-been, should-have-been' – who is convinced he is better qualified to officiate than the young lad who has given up his lie-in to put up with this abuse on a cold, wet Sunday morning.

It is amazing how many former semi-pro footballers, all of whom had promising careers cut cruelly short by injury of course, are now excitedly pacing the touchline at their children's football matches every weekend.

Unlike this noisy supporter offering his opinion, I know full well that the ref does know what he is doing.

He's not the other team's 12th man, he doesn't have a dog or white stick and he does not need to go to Specsavers. I know this, because I funded his referee's qualification.

You see, that angry woman throwing death stares at any particularly vocal manager, parent or player is probably me – and I am the ref's mum.

I hate watching my boy referee. I have been chauffeuring him around the parks and pitches of the Midlands and beyond for almost 10 years supporting his blossoming career.

He plays for the county team, is a member of the elite squad of one of our top local sides, his school and until recently a Sunday team 'for fun'.

I have seen him knobbled, elbowed, flattened, kicked, kneed – you name it.

And I would still rather watch him in a football strip than having to take the abuse, aggravation and intimidation to which he is subjected when he dons his black shirt.

As the referee's chauffeur-bag minder-muscle, I have become the quiet observer of grassroots football taking place at parks and pitches across Staffordshire and the Black Country.

I have identified a number of key characters that will crop up in most teams. There will be at least one know-it-all.

They will usually be standing alone – because they don't need the confirmation of the rest of the pack.

Shouting 'guidance' to the ref from the off, this parent-grandparent-observer will bellow 'corner', 'penalty 'or 'handball' before the ref has the put the whistle to his lips – and regardless of whether it is true or not.

I expect to see at least one pushy parent, always a dad. Their instructions will be solely for their own son-daughter. Any halt in play will be an opportunity for a little one-to-one coaching.

They will shout a stream of demands to their aspiring young star – to mark up, keep the line, drop back, push on, go wide.

These instructions will not necessarily follow the tactics the manager is asking of his confused young player.

There is also at least one loud mum – usually the wife of the manager – calling out motivational support peppered with the odd gasp of horror at the slightest knock.

It is this voice that the players hear above the heavy male hum – and which is the most distracting when accompanied by shrieks of laughter as she chats away to the other parents. (I know, my son told me off!)

From the sidelines, I have discovered that there is a learned pattern of behaviour. If the manager repeatedly questions decisions or argues with the ref, then the parents will follow.

And not only the parents, but the players too. A lot of referees on the junior football scene are young lads themselves.

It's quite evident that some managers or parents hope to intimidate or bully these boys into reversing a given decision. It doesn't matter that it was the right decision.

In my experience, the majority of the grief encountered by the ref will come in the second half – from the losing side. These young referees are not always right.

Show me a professional referee that gets every decision right – and they have the support of senior assistants, not a couple of dads who can't always be relied upon for an unbiased call.

But, without these young lads giving up their weekends for not-an-awful-lot of cash, there would not be the extensive tier of junior football we enjoy today.

Referees are seen as 'fair game' for criticism and abuse but any 'supporter' who thinks it is acceptable to try and intimidate a teenage junior football ref should hang his or her head in shame.

Be warned, that angry-looking woman sending laser stares your way could well be the ref's mum – it could even be me!