Peter Rhodes on strivers, train drivers and the perils of being reckless with a cutlass
Peter Rhodes on strivers, train drivers and the perils of being reckless with a cutlass
In the build-up to her Budget, Rachel Reeves referred endlessly to “investing in Britain's vital infrastructure.” I have been giving this some thought. Can I assume it includes taking my winter fuel allowance and giving it to a train driver? Does this make me an investor?
And finally, on the very threshold of her Budget, Ms Reeves finally reveals exactly what she means by that much-bandied term, “working people,” the ones who will not be badly affected by her measures Clarifying and condensing it into one phrase, she comes up with “The Strivers.” So who are The Strivers? Are they a) a 1960s Australian pop group, b) people with chronic constipation, or c) folk trying really hard to remember seeing any of this in Labour's manifesto?
When someone tells you “I'm a researcher,” you probably imagine he/she has a hugely important job at the cutting edge of some vital inquiry into building a better world. Not necessarily.
According to weekend reports, researchers commissioned by Aldi have discovered that Britons spill the equivalent of half a million bottles of Champagne and sparkling wine every year by opening the bottle wrongly. Why is it the only research I am ever invited to take part in comes in circulars from the NHS and involves needles? How long must one wait before being recruited by Moet or Bolly as a fizzologist?
No matter how startling the statistics on spilled wine, the liveliness of champers is something people have to learn for themselves. I recall a party when a show-off teenager announced his arrival by vigorously shaking a bottle of bubbly and flipping the cork, Silverstone-style. The entire contents of the bottle shot across the room leaving him with not a drop to drink. Lesson learned.
Incidentally, the Netflix series Emily in Paris has a useful demonstration of how to open a bottle of champagne using a sword. Blood everywhere. The sparkly-clean ambulance was on the scene almost before the finger hit the ground, making the point that, if you're going to be reckless with a cutlass, it's probably better to do it in France than England.
