Express & Star

Peter Rhodes on anonymous crimes, the desire to fly and the great taste of calories

On Easter Monday I counted more than 20 vapour trails criss-crossing the sky above Chateau Rhodes. I couldn't help being reminded of spring two years ago when lockdown was in force.

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Remember how deep blue the skies were, how silent and how gloriously empty? Remember how we all said this was a good thing, that when the pandemic was over we would take a long, hard look at how many times we flew? We swore a silent oath to respect the environment and cherish the atmosphere.

And how long did that promise last? Until the Covid restrictions were lifted and we could do as we pleased. Yes, we all want to save the planet. But not as much as we want a week in Majorca.

Historian Lord Hennessy says Boris Johnson “sealed his place in British history as the first lawbreaker to have occupied the premiership.” To be strictly accurate, his lordship might have added the words “as far as we know.” Police-issued penalty notices, as served on the Prime Minister, can be used to deal with a range of crimes including urinating in the street and shoplifting. The process is quick, cheap and anonymous and you don't get a criminal record. In theory, dozens of MPs could have received and paid fixed-penalty notices for various misdemeanours without anyone being the wiser.

Anatomy of a Scandal (Netflix) is a masterful study of an allegation of rape. However (spoiler alert) if anyone suspected a barrister of attending Oxford University, they'd probably find the answer in a couple of minutes on Google. And while it is possible to change appearance over 20 years, a full face, body and voice transplant, as seen here, is a tad unlikely.

A new age dawns in eating out. At a favourite restaurant, I find the menus are now expressed in calories. Thus, we are informed that steak and chips is 980 calories but spaghetti carbonara is more than 1,300 calories. In theory, wise diners will avoid the high calories, but don't bank on it.

I took the view that 1,300 calories was enough to see me through the day with no other meals. And I have never tasted anything richer, creamier or more filling than that bowl of carbonara. Say what you like about calories but they are delicious.