Peter Rhodes on £100 cards, public inquiries and why the Tories should keep Boris out of Scotland

How to do politics. Study the radio interview in which the Cabinet minister Michael Gove stressed the importance of helping “our friends and neighbours in Europe” to get enough doses of Covid-19 vaccine, without actually giving them any.

Meanwhile, when will the Tories learn that they can either make friends in Scotland or send Boris Johnson to Scotland? The more the Scots see of the PM, the more they will vote for another referendum.

There is, however, a big difference between voting for a referendum on independence and voting for independence. The first is good for sticking Boris one in the eye. The second is reckless and self-harming. Long after Boris has gone, Scotland's old independence nightmares of having no proper currency, a massive national debt and a hard time getting back into the EU on decent terms will return.

There will, of course, be a full public inquiry into the pandemic. There always is. Creating a forum for barristers to drone on endlessly is what we do best. On past performance, I predict the Covid-19 Inquiry will last about five years and cost at least £300 million. And when it is all over, if Northern Ireland's notorious Bloody Sunday inquiry is any guide, half the vulnerable elderly of 2020-21 will have passed away and not a single citizen will have changed his or her opinion. We will be assured that “lessons have been learned,” but they won't be.

A reader upbraids me for referring to myself as middle-aged. He is 64 and says: “I've always regarded middle age as 35 to 45.” Surely not. These days, given the reluctance of people to mature at all, someone of 35 is barely out of childhood while at 45 you're a spring chicken. “Middle age” begins at about 45 and lasts for ever. “Elderly” is something that happens to other people.

This month marks the 20th anniversary of the outbreak of foot-and-mouth disease in 2001. We all have our memories of those dark days. Mine is of driving through a pretty valley in Lancashire (as a Yorkshireman, it pains me to acknowledge such things exist) and seeing a plume of smoke in the distance. I assumed it was a lovely old heritage steam railway, chug-chugging up the valley. I had a sudden flash of cosy nostalgia. Then I realised it wasn't moving. Next, I saw the black and white forms of dozens of dead cows with flames licking around them.

That contagion cost Britain about £8 billion, much of which was spent in a hurry, at any price. It could be a rural myth but I was told of one slaughterman who was taken away from his usual job in an abattoir to dispatch diseased farm animals at a daily rate of £900.

The limit on contactless debit cards was raised from £30 to £45 less than a year ago. Already, the Financial Conduct Authority is considering hiking it to £100. Great news for burglars, muggers and bag-snatchers.