Peter Rhodes: Enough to pop your Brownie

IS the Duke of Edinburgh a role model for young people? Absolutely. The way the state pension is going, they're all going to have to work until they're 96.

THE then-and-now photos of droughts have been entertaining the Great British Public for many years, but what do they actually tell us? See, here is an image of a pretty bridge across a river. When we had lots of rain, the river was full. Now we have no rain, the river is not so full. Coming soon: somewhat drier fields. The drought news – brought to you by the Department of the Bleedin' Obvious.

THERE was a wonderful moment in The Durrells (ITV) when the awkward teenager Leslie (Callum Woodhouse) first encountered the achingly tempting Corfiot beauty Vasilia (Errika Bigiou). In that split-second of desire, the viewfinder flap on his ancient camera suddenly sprang open. It was a cheeky metaphor; the late Brian Rix would have loved it. There is no denying that the gorgeous, pouting Vasilia is exactly the sort of older woman that could pop a young lad's Brownie.

A FORMER comrade of the hate preacher Anjem Choudary is reported to have returned from Syria to the UK where he is working as a pizza delivery rider. Hell, this is serious. In the great scheme of things, I bet far more lardy-arse Britons are killed every year by take-away pizza than by terrorism. Double-thick, special greasy 12-incher with extra spicy sausage for the infidel at No 33.

THE men and women calculating a harsh Brexit deal in Brussels are not our friends. They may not even be particularly nice people, especially now that their beloved European Project is losing its second-biggest player. It is hard for us Eurosceptic Brits to comprehend the religious-like fervour the EU inspires in some circles. In one of those asides which really is worth investigating further, Ian Hislop remarked on Have I Got News for You (BBC1) that Jean-Claude Juncker is “a difficult piece of work . . . he's not a great guy.” Certainly, the language being used by Juncker and his fellow EU negotiators is not so much the language of friends but of jailers and it stirs a deep race-memory of snarling across the Channel. I noticed this week that you can buy T-shirts on eBay with the wonderful insults between French and English knights in Monty Python and the Holy Grail: “Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.” Unless calmer heads prevail, by the time Brexit is over we'll all be wearing them.

AND off, for reasons I won't bore you with, to the baby-equipment superstore. Here is living proof that if you delay having babies until you can afford them, you will never breed. One pram cost a cool £940. Our first pram was a Silver Cross, as used by the Royal Family, and it cost us a tenner, second-hand. I dare say these days we'd be arrested for child neglect.

LEAFING through the hobby mags I found one feature by an enthusiastic hack who had tested and reviewed 17 different sorts of paintbrushes. Ah, the untold glamour of journalism.