Peter Rhodes: The end is nigh

OUR changing language. "People of non-ideal weight" is the term coined by employment-law judge Philip Rostant to describe overweight or obese folk.

THE problem with creating such phrases is that although you set out to avoid hurt feelings, you end up creating a new term of abuse. Before long, "People of non-ideal weight" becomes Ponid, as in "Look at the backside on that ponid."

"YOU can get to Majorca for 40 quid but God help you if someone runs you over." A 70-something reader writes, having just been quoted £500 for travel insurance. I sympathise. The insurance industry, whether for household, motor or travel cover, is out of control, spending millions on promoting identical policies and fighting tooth-and-nail to avoid paying out. If ever an industry was ripe for nationalisation, this is it.

DO not miss tomorrow night's final episode of Line of Duty (BBC2) in which Detective Inspector Cottan has to explain to the force transport manager why the car's in a bit of a mess.

I WONDER if the untimely death of Victoria Wood has inspired amateurs to pay tribute to her by performing her song Let's Do It. If you are toying with the idea, here's a tip: don't. Wood admitted that the lyrics of her 15-verse tale of unrequited lust between Freda and Barry were a nightmare to remember. I once witnessed the harrowing spectacle of a singer getting into a hopeless muddle with it. We heard the line "You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting" three times before she finally gave up, skipped half the verses and dashed for Freda's closing plea: "Beat me on the bottom with a Woman's Weekly." Painful to behold.

THE latest poll of polls suggests that 51 per cent of Brits want to remain in the European Union and 49 per cent want to leave. It reveals how dramatically we have lost faith in the Union since the heady days of 1975. In the referendum of that year, Britain voted to stay in by a massive margin of two-to-one.

BUT is opinion as evenly divided as the latest polls suggest? The snag with polls is that they never tell you who is actually going to vote. In the 2014 referendum on Scottish independence, the anti-UK activists made the most noise but on polling day a silent majority appeared from nowhere, trekked stolidly to the polling stations and delivered a thumping majority to stay. It may be the same with the EU poll. The Remain lobby will make a great shout for the EU, but how many of their younger followers are even on the electoral roll?

MY eye was caught this week by the photo of a 15-year-old Girl Guide confessing her sins to the Pope in an open-air ceremony in Rome. I cannot imagine what a 15-year-old Girl Guide has to confess ("Forgive me, Holy Father, for I have failed to polish my woggle"). I was reminded of the priest whose tasks included hearing confessions from nuns at his local convent. He described the experience as "like being stoned to death with popcorn."

FROM the TV schedules. Yesterday Channel 7pm. The Life of Birds: double bill.