Black enough for a priest's socks?

WHAT a cruel coincidence that when the Church of England voted for women bishops, it also voted to make traditional priests' robes optional. You wait 2,000 years to wear the funny hats and suddenly they're out of fashion.

BUILDINGS are not the problem. It is good to hear Chancellor George Osborne promising £353 million for a "super hospital" in the West Midlands, but what are the chances of filling it with super staff?

A RESEARCH company in Surrey claims to have invented a light-absorbing material so black that it's almost as black as a black hole. But is it black enough for a priest's socks? Fans of Father Ted (C4) will recall Ted warning Dougal to buy socks only from clerical outfitters: "You see, ordinary shops sell what look like black socks, but if you look closely, you'll see that they're very, very, very, very, very, very, very dark blue."

AS Transport Secretary he foisted that pointless white elephant HS2 on us. As Defence Secretary he sacked 30,000 troops and abolished the TA. God knows what Philip Hammond will do as Foreign Secretary, but don't expect anything particularly wise.

THIS is from the Department for Education's advertisement for a new Children's Commissioner for England: "We are not seeking someone who will stay hidden in the background . . . you will be a highly visible and informed presence who can engage directly with government, politicians and service leaders as well as diverse groups of children." Sounds just like Jimmy Savile, doesn't it?

SO, farewell, Baroness Butler-Sloss who has gallantly stood down from the inquiry into VIP child abuse in high places. We will doubtless cope. Thanks to over-active university law departments and the bottomless trough of legal aid, this country is awash with fine legal brains. There are many judges or lawyers who could perfectly well chair this inquiry, which makes it all the odder that the Home Office was so keen on Butler-Sloss, especially after two queries surfaced about her handling of earlier inquiries.

THERE was another reason why Butler-Sloss should not have been offered the job, a reason that few politicians seemed bold, or ungentlemanly, enough to mention. She is too old. At 80, she is ten years above the retirement age for judges and magistrates. Her supporters told us what a fine brain she has but no-one at 80 is as sharp as they were at 50. These inquiries have a habit of dragging on for years and what would have happened if, half-way through, Her Ladyship had dropped off her perch or started talking to the furniture?

I WAS singing the praises last week of Staithes, the pretty little fishing village in North Yorkshire. Some of you have pointed out that anyone under 10 knows Staithes well, because it's the setting for Old Jack's Boat, starring Bernard Cribbins, on CBeebies. Unlike some celebs, Cribbins makes time to chat to the locals and sign endless autographs. People we met in Staithes spoke very fondly of him.

I HAVE been slipping behind with my correspondence. My thanks to the lady who wrote about her cat eating spiders (or should that be a spider-eating cat?) and the old Brownie who recalled innocent, happy nights sharing sleeping bags with her best friend. As she points out sadly, these days somebody would probably inform the authorities.

THANKS, too, to the reader who told me how her cat brought home a mouse, complete with mouse trap. Front-runner in the cat-hunt stakes is my friend whose moggie burst through the catflap one Sunday morning dragging a hot roast leg of pork.