Mark Andrews: James Bond under Amazon, Amesbury walks free, and is Donald Trump the world's cleverest comedian?

When I heard that the Runcorn and Helsby MP had been given a 10-week prison sentence for giving the bloke what can only be described as a right good pasting, I can't say that I was particularly sympathetic. Particularly when I read he would still receive his £91,000-a-year salary while doing his porridge.

Or at least I wasn't until I read about Wolverhampton drug dealers Malachi Walker and Ethan Jones, who walked free from Wolverhampton Crown Court after Walker admitted possessing cannabis and heroin with intent to supply, and Jones pleaded guilty to possessing heroin, cocaine, crack and cannabis with intent to supply, as well as possessing criminal property and possession of a knife.

Passing sentence, Recorder Mr Geoffrey Kelly said: "You were lucky today because you had me. If you didn't have me, I should think nine out of 10 other judges here would have sent you to prison." He sounds more like a trendy schoolteacher trying to befriend the class troublemakers.

Certainly, Walker and Jones were lucky to appear before Mr Kelly. I'm not so sure about the rest of us though.  

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Anyhow, Mr Amesbury now joins Wolverhampton's low-life drug dealers as a free man, after having his sentence suspended on appeal. So, if he does lose his seat, he can probably look forward to a career fronting television series about Britain's hard men or something. 

There is a delicious irony, though, that a government which has spent the past nine months letting all manner of waifs and strays loose on the public to 'free up prison spaces', ended up seeing one of its own take up one of these cells. 

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After 63 years, the Broccoli family have handed created control for the James Bond franchise to Jeff Bezos and Amazon. 

I'm trying to imagine what that will mean for future movies. Lots of drones and robots, obviously, and headquarters will probably be a highly automated site on an industrial estate next to a motorway junction.

I'm guessing the next Bond will probably be a tall, outspoken 60-something farmer in the Cotswolds, who knocks out the baddie with a single punch for messing up his food order. Q will be played by a long-haired tech nerd from Bristol, who drives very slowly, and the Aston Martin will be replaced by a giant combine harvester they buy at auction, tastefully adapted by a little chap from Birmingham who gives it a silly name. 

Of course, it's only natural that Bezos will want to give his mate a part. So expect Blofeld to operate a space travel business in California, and never go anywhere without his young child.

And on that bombshell....

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It's official. The Donald thinks Sir Keir Starmer has a 'beautiful accent'.

"If I had that accent, I would have been been president 20 years ago," he drawled. Whereas in reality, just over 20 years ago he was solemnly promising Ali G that he would not be developing a non-drip ice cream.

It was over in seconds, but it was a classic television moment. Visibly irritated, but trying to be polite, the all-powerful business mogul told Sacha Baron-Cohen's comic creation that he thought a glove for eating cornets was 'a good idea', adding 'I hope you make a lot of money' as he dived for the exit.

Still, at least he tried to wind it up in a civilised fashion, which is more than he did for Zelenskyy.

Then again, having seen Trump's video of how he sees Gaza, with golden statues of himself and a catchy theme tune, I'm beginning to wonder if the US president is actually working for Sacha Baron Cohen. He's got to be winding us up, he can't be serious, surely?