Mark Andrews: Comedy on prescription, banking scams, HS2, and the 'foetus' comes of age

Laughter is the best medicine, reckons Labour MP and former GP Dr Simon Opher, who has persuaded the Government to operate a trial where quacks can prescribe tickets for stand-up comedy gigs to patients who say they are suffering depression.

"Making people laugh can avoid the need for medication," he says.

What I would really like to know is what type of comedy is on offer. Something tells me it won't be Jim Davidson or Stan Boardman. 

And if it's the sort of stuff they show on the BBC these days, there won't be many laughs. But you will need the meds to get through it.

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My scepticism about the scheme is heightened by the suggestion that it may also include stand-up 'workshops'. When did you last hear anybody talk about 'workshops', unless there are spanners and chisels involved, who had anything worthwhile to say?

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All 1.8 billion users of the Gmail email service have been issued a 'red alert' over a scam that lets hackers gain access to accounts.

"The attack uses AI to craft deepfake robocalls and malicious emails capable of bypassing security filters," said a news report.

Ok, I think I just about understand that bit. But it then went on to explain how the scam worked, and it may as well have been written in Mandarin. I've no idea what it is all about. 

Still, I won't be losing much sleep about it either. And this is a great comfort every time somebody gives me a funny stare when I tell them I don't do internet banking, and every time some polo-shirted bank clerk tells me to 'get the app' so they can close the branch down and put me out of a job. 

Call me a Luddite all you like, but it won't be my bank account they are clearing out.

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I don't follow baseball, so I'm not really sure what the Prime Minister meant when he asked the US to provide a 'backstop' over any peace deal to end the war in Ukraine. 

The only other time I've heard that word being used was during negotiations for Theresa May's ill-fated Brexit deal. So presumably 'backstop' is a euphemism for 'sell out'?

That certainly seems to be Donald Trump's preferred option..

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Best quote on Trump comes from former Labour MP  Lloyd Russell-Moyle, who told GB News that the US president appeared to be on the 'special sauce'.

Apparently, he has decided the Ukraine's President Zelenskyy is the bad guy, because he hasn't faced the electorate for five-and-a-half years. Whereas Vladimir Putin studiously stands for election every four years - and anybody who mounts a credible challenge either falls out of a tall building, or gets a dose of Putin's own 'special sauce' in his tea. 

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Did you see the picture of William Hague's inauguration as Chancellor of Oxford University,  in all his gold-braided fancy-dress garb?

The striking thing about it is just how old he looked. And serious. And it doesn't seem five minutes since he was the cocky young upstart in a baseball cap, memorably described by late sports minister Tony Banks as a 'foetus'.

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HS2 will make Birmingham Airport better placed for London than Heathrow, says Nick Barton, chief executive of Birmingham Airport.

He says the high-speed link will bring the capital within 40 minutes of Brum, whereas it would take 45 minutes on the Tube from Heathrow. 

Much as I like his optimism, I'm not convinced. The Tube may take five minutes longer than HS2, but it also operates services every 10 minutes. So unless your flight happens to coincide exactly with the arrival of HS2, you're going to be quicker on the Tube every time. And the Heathrow Express offers rail services to Paddington every 15 minutes, with a maximum journey time of 20 minutes. And tickets range in price from £10 to £39. I wonder how much a trip to London on HS2 will cost.