Mark Andrews: I think my air fryer might be a Chinese spy

I assumed it was a dodgy-bearing or something. Like the sound of fingernails scraping down a blackboard, the night-time tranquillity was shattered by a shrill shrieking noise emanating from the kitchen. A cursory investigation identified the cheap George at Asda as the culprit. In typical Andrews style, I dealt with the situation by delivering a precision punch to the fascia panel,  

I bought the thing just over two years ago, as a statement of intent: a gesture that I am progressive and open to new ideas, ready to embrace the latest technology. Well that, and the fact gas prices had gone through the roof, and I read in the Daily Express that it would save me a fortune. 

Twenty-five months on, I am not entirely convinced that it has saved me that much money, particularly as it seems to be on its last legs already. On the other hand, it is very convenient - just put the food in, set the timer for half an hour, and watch a Likely Lads video while you're waiting; much easier than lighting the gas oven and regularly checking it hasn't caught fire.

So you could say it won me over. Along with sat nav, it is one of the few adoptions of modern technology that has made life easier rather than more complicated. I had pretty much decided that when my present air-fryer bites the dust, I might even splash out an extra tenner on a bigger and better model. Well, you only live once.

At least that was until I learned this week that it might be spying on me. Yes, according to a new report by Which?, air fryers are among the electronic devices which are said to be packed with hidden microchips to pass on crucial personal information to the Chinese Communist Party. 

There is a certain irony in this, given that at the time of purchase, I wrote on this very page that it was probably the only piece of modern technology that wouldn't be hacked by the Russians. 

Now I read that certain brands of air fryers - thankfully not George at Asda - have been demanding permission to listen in to our conversations, and sharing data with TikTok. And what might that data be? That late on Monday night, an insignificant bloke in the Midlands is cooking roast spuds while watching The Likely Lads?I would have thought Prince Andrew would have access to bigger state secrets than that.

Maybe then, the screeching from my kitchen is not the result of a dodgy bearing, but rather my air-fryer trying to contact its handler, who is presumably sat in the back of a window cleaner's van which has been decked out with recording equipment. At least that's how they do it in The Professionals.

And it seems this might be the tip of the iceberg. According to Which?, so-called 'smart' televisions, speakers and watches are eavesdropping on their owners' conversations. Even worse, a few years ago a young lady who was testing a robotic vacuum cleaner was mortified to find the device had taken photographs of her on the toilet, before distributing them to casual employees, who rather charmingly decided to post them on Facebook. 

There are limits to my sympathy on the latter story. Firstly what sort of lazy bones uses a robot to do the vacuuming. And more importantly, didn't the lady in question think it might have been good manners to shut the bathroom door while sitting on the khazi? 

As it happens, I'm reasonably confident that my air fryer isn't really spying on me, mainly because it is a basic model with a mechanical timer. Although when it finally expires, which by the sound of it will probably be sooner rather than later, I suspect I may struggle to replace it with such a low-tech device.

I suspect most people will continue to look the other way, but the Which? report is a timely reminder of the risks associated with all these so-called 'smart' devices, and also why the West really needs to break its dependency on cheap electronic tat imported from China. I can think of no reason whatsoever that an air fryer needs to be connected to the worldwide web or, for that matter, why a fridge, washing machine, or any other domestic appliance needs to be either. I would suggest that the privacy risks of such devices far outweigh any benefits.

And if ending our dependency on the despotic regime in China, means paying £100 rather than £30 for a British-made air fryer, I would suggest it is probably a price worth paying. Especially if it is built to last more than a couple of years.