Express & Star

Mark Andrews: Dancing robots are all very clever, but I still prefer Pan's People

The funky beats blaired into the balmy, October evening. Thousands upon thousands crowded around the bandstand, frantically waving their phones in the air, trying to grab some footage of the entertainers on stage. Look carefully, and you might even actually have seen the Prime Minister in the audience, bopping along in his Asos party gear. Or I might have made the last bit up.

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Pan's People

And what was the act the crowds were clamouring to see? Taylor Swift? Lady Gaga? Jean -Michel Jarre? Foster & Allen?

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8eyi0p

Well, actually, no. The boisterous crowds outside the Warner Bros studios were not teenagers jostling to see the latest pop pin-up, but a bunch of tech executives trying to get a glimpse of some dancing robots. The scene was from Elon Musk's 'We Robot' convention, and the performers were a set of his Optimus robots, throwing a few shapes for their entertainment.

Strange people, Californians.

Musk reckons the Optimus, which looks like a slightly sinister tailors' dummy, is his 'most significant product ever'.

"It'll do anything you want," he proudly told his audience. "It can be a teacher, babysit your kids, it can walk your dog, mow your lawn, get the groceries. Just be your friend, serve drinks. Whatever you can think of, it will do."

Indeed, after they had finished showing off their moves, the robots stepped down from the podium and started handing out drinks and goodie bags to the guests.

Then, some footage was released onto the worldwide web of a man called John interviewing an Optimus. The pair chatted about where they lived, Optimus name-dropping people he had heard of in John's home town of San Jose. John then asked Optimus what was the hardest thing about being a robot: "Trying to learn how to be as human as you guys are," he replied.

Optimus is a remarkable feat of technology, no doubt about that. And I dare say most of us would welcome an extra pair of robotic hands to help around the house, with chores like gardening and cleaning.

But I can't help but worry about the type of person that would want to use a robot as a babysitter. The type of person who a few years down the line will become the subject of a public inquiry that concludes 'lessons will be learned', I suspect. I find the idea of robots teaching children maths – or, more to the point, whatever faddish doctrines government officials programme the robots to teach – slightly dystopian too. A vital part of school is learning to interact with others, and older people in positions of authority, in particular. I'm not sure that being taught by a mannequin is going to be good for their development.

Most revealing of all, though, is Musk's suggestion that Optimus can 'be your friend'. What does that say about the sort of society that awaits future generations?

I fear we've been heading that way for a while. Look around on the train, everyone's glued to their phones. The type of people who attend Musk's tech conferences have been working for years on making their websites more addictive. There is a whole generation of youngsters that views their phone as their best friend.

Now I'm sure all the guests at We Robot were jolly nice folk, and very clever to boot. But, some of them looked a bit, how shall I put this, odd? A bit Dominic Cummings, y'know. The sort of people who have perhaps spent so long staring at their phones and computers, that they have forgotten what it's like to experience the joys of a sunny day, an afternoon at the football, a night at the pub. And a lot of them are probably into Call of Duty, or whatever it's called, too.

Which is probably why they have devoted so much of their intellect and energy in creating devices that can replace human beings, without ever asking the question 'why?'

They don't understand that while a robot might be able to impart information into a classroom of youngsters, it can't take the place of an actual human being who knows the children, play to their strengths, or empathise with their weaknesses. They don't understand why people prefer to go to a supermarket checkout staffed with a friendly face than a scanning machine. Or most people have dogs because they want to go out for walks with them, rather than get a robot to do it.

Call me a Luddite, but I prefer humans to robots. Well, nice humans, anyway.

And while half a dozen Optimus's strutting their stuff outside Warner Bros studios is an impressive sight, I definitely prefer Pan's People.