Andy Richardson: 'Who Told All The Lies'
It’s hard being a schoolkid.
Having spent five months out of the classroom and witnessed the avoidable fiasco of this year’s exam results, they’ve finally made it back to school.
While there’s much catching up to do, they can at least start to enjoy some semblance of normalcy. Their teachers face challenging times.
Government guidelines have been delivered late – I know, as surprising as a visit from a fat man in a red suit at Christmas.
Anxiety beckons. But then deadline surfing is one of the skills in which the Government is world class. U-turns and turning a blind eye are other Olympic Grade Skills.
As unemployment spirals, a new shortage has emerged: the nation has too few right-wing comics.
Amid reports that the BBC’s new Director General Tim Davie, a former deputy chairman of the Hammersmith and Fulham Conservative Association, wants more True Blue comedians, a problem has emerged – they’re just not funny.
Pro-Tory, pro-Brexit comedians are as rare as a sensible decision in the Department of Education and unless we go back to the days of Jim Davidson’s Up The Elephant and Round The Castle we are stuck with Nish Kumar.
Well, either that or Mr Davie could ask members of the Cabinet to audition. Live From The Commons could replace QI or Have I Got News For You on Auntie Beeb.
Workers are returning to offices in huge numbers, according to the PM. It’s funny, therefore, that railway stations are pretty much empty at rush hour. A trickle, rather than a torrent, is the accurate description.
While Boris has dazzled as the nation’s new Weightwatchers pin-up – he may be more Mr Motivator-meets-Mad Lizzie than Joe Wickes – he’s in trouble for porkies of a different kind.
BoJo had pledged to meet members of the Covid-19 Bereaved Families for Justice Group, telling reporters he would ‘of course’ meet.
Two days later, he wrote to them saying he was unable to do so – no longer a case of Who Ate All The Pies, but instead, Who Told All The Lies.
To be fair, the PM has a lot on his plate, the run with Dilyn, the storytime with Wilf, though the words of one grieving man, who lost his father, have a ring of truth: “It feels like we’re the wrong type of bereaved people - like the prime minister only wants to meet with people who will smile and not ask difficult questions.”
Never a truer word spoken, and all that.
