Mark Andrews on Saturday: Whiners, irritants and macho targets

Career whiner Owen Jones asks: "Why does Michael Gove and his wife own a copy of a book by David Irving, one of the most notorious Holocaust deniers on earth?"

Dunno, maybe so they actually know what they are talking about when they criticise him? Not that a tribalist like Owen would ever understand the idea of listening to people you disagree with. But since we're in an inquisitive mood, here are a couple more questions. Why was Owen Jones pictured at the 'Sinn Fein summer school'? Did they help him with his homework? And why did he once write: “I militarily support the IRA against the British State”?

On the subject of stupid questions, a television reporter tried to get to the bottom of the issues puzzling our top scientists by doing a vox pop of people doing their shopping.

"Why are so many people dying in East London compared to other parts of the country?" was the question.

And while I am no more knowledgeable than the people buying their fruit and veg, I did notice one possible reason for the inequality. The street behind was packed with full with folk.

When the dust settles sometime in the future, and people begin to appraise dispassionately how the UK responded to the coronavirus epidemic, I wonder if the biggest failing will turn out to be too much emphasis on the eye-catching, headline-grabbing initiatives, and too little on the boring stuff.

I am loathe to criticise either the NHS or the Government too harshly, when they have had to make impossible choices about something nobody really knows much about.

However, with the benefit of hindsight, it looks like far too much effort was put into the big, expensive projects, such as building new hospitals and buying ventilators, and not enough into the routine stuff, like providing gloves and masks.

It might also have been an idea to have banned all flights from China, rather than 'repatriating' British nationals and suggesting they self-isolate.

And having met its target of testing 100,000 people a day for coronavirus – well for one day at least – the Government has now doubled the figure to 200,000.

I dare say it will meet that target too, every resource will be thrown at it to ensure the Government doesn't lose face. But is all this macho target-setting really helpful?

We should not forget the Stafford Hospital crisis, caused by a hospital administration which put meeting targets before caring for patients.

A new survey claims that there has been spike in people making their own sex toys during the lockdown, with Telford leading the way in the West Midlands.

Apparently, iPhones and cucumbers work very well, and electric toothbrushes are also effective providing you 'take your time to learn your angles and settings' to avoid irritation.

I bet its not half the irritation that other family members experience when they go to clean their teeth.