Andy Richardson: 'Reckless optimism guiding those who imagine Covid-19 will blow over by summer'
He’s the East End hard-nut who rarely pulls his punches.
Danny Dyer is the thinker who famously philosophised that if we didn’t have thumbs we could never enjoy a sandwich. His riches have enabled new levels of sophistication, like drinking Jasmine tea. When Britain descended into three years of Brexit chaos he reflected the national mood by asking this question: “David Cameron. Where is the geezer?”
Now the education of our youngsters is being entrusted to the West Ham fan who once presented Danny Dyer’s Deadliest Men. The bestubbled former landlord of The Queen Vic will be among the famous faces leading lessons in BBC plans to educate the nation’s schoolchildren. Dyer, a direct descendant of King Edward III, will provide a history class on Henry VIII. He is not alone. Footballer Sergio Aguero will teach youngsters to count in Spanish, former Shadow Chancellor and Gangnam FreeStyler Ed Balls will provide maths lessons while Liam Payne and Dr Who, aka Jodie Whittaker, will also drop in.
The possibilities are endless. Ann Widdecombe could teach dancing, Gareth Southgate, Chris Waddle and Stuart Pearce could show kids how to take penalties, Katie Price could give classes on personal finance and Donald Trump could lecture on international diplomacy.
Blind faith and reckless optimism seem to be guiding those who imagine Covid-19 will all blow over by summer. Spoiler alert: it won’t. Though politicians seem not to trust the Great British public with their exit strategy, social distancing is here to stay. This is the new normal and restaurants, pubs and theatres won’t be opening their doors for a long, long time. The smart ones who don’t bury their heads in the sand with such delusional imaginings are coming up with creative ideas. Like Danish football league leaders FC Midtylland who are planning to welcome 2,000 fans to a drive-in while they play matches behind closed doors. Screens will be erected outside the ground and players will be able to hear fans’ cheers from the car park.
University lecturers are trying to make sense of it and 18,000 Brits are taking part in a survey into the effects of lockdown. We think we already know the answers.
Weight gain from too many snacks, the ability to recite every joke from 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown and a new-found interest in baking sourdough bread.
