Andy Richardson: Social commentators' stupidity amid coronavirus crisis

And while none of us really expect people to stand tightly together on football terraces for a long time, it appears progress is being made.

While Spain and Italy have Covid-19 infection graphs that point almost vertically, Britain is experiencing a gentler trajectory.

We haven’t got on top of things as well as Germany or South Korea, but social distancing has helped slow infection and reduce death. Well done Britain.

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Now let’s sort out testing. Now.

Not everyone has got the memo and such social commentators as Peter Hitchens and Toby Young have broken the internet.

Young, the man who slammed Greta Thunberg – why would any man in his mid-50s uses the internet to smash a 15-year-old kid? – said it would be irresponsible to spend hundreds of billions to prolong the lives of a few hundred thousand mostly elderly people. Try telling that to those in Wolverhampton who are watching loved ones die.

Idiot.

Professional controversialist Peter Hitchens – the one who was neither as likeable, astute nor intelligent as his late brother, the brilliant Christopher – described social distancing as a house arrest that would leave our freedom broken and our economy crippled. Ah bless.

The tumbleweed is already blowing for those ageing and increasingly irrelevant men. The fall in infection rate and death forecasts shows that this is worth it. And we’re sticking with it. Lives matter.

The big news, of course, is that goats have invaded Llandudno.

It is no April Fool, they are the New Kids on the Block. Worse may follow.

We fear otters will tonight take Aberystwyth, squirrels will invade Shrewsbury and ducks will create a potentate in Willenhall.

Police and council officers have been enforcing the lockdown vigorously and some council officers have warned convenience stores not to sell non-essential Easter Eggs.

The fightback has already begun. Easter will be here in less than two weeks and as every self-respecting social isolator knows; chocolate has never been more essential.