Mark Andrews on Saturday: Speed awareness for countdown to Christmas

Well I fancied doing something a little different this year, so I decided to mark the final week before the big day by attending a speed awareness course.

Actually, the boys in blue might have also had some input in the matter, but still, what better way to spend the festive season than spending four hours in a room on a drab business park being told you are a bad driver?

Now the grammar pedant in me wonders whether it is really a ‘speed awareness’ course.

Unfortunately, I was aware of my alleged speed on the day in question – 36mph since you ask – from the moment our fleet manager informed me of my ticket.

Believe me, it didn’t take a course to make me aware of that.

In fairness, it is hard to argue with most of the advice given on the course.

We all know, in the cold light of day, that an extra couple of mph is not going to give you any significant benefit in terms of journey time.

And it’s useful to know that sticking to third gear in urban areas will reduce the chances of getting nicked again.

I really, really don’t want another ticket, in fact I was almost a reformed citizen until, during the second-half of the course, the lecturer made a comment which made my hair stand on end and my teeth itch.

“What speed would it be safe to do there?” she asked, showing a picture of a snow-covered road, flanked by a 40mph speed limit sign. Considerably less than 40mph, we all concurred.

But then she followed with a cheery: “Probably best to stay at home altogether on a day like that.”

Maybe it was said in jest, but it didn’t sound like it. It was as if it was the most natural thing in the world to take a day off work the moment the weather turned a bit nasty.

It’s like when the weatherman solemnly warns us to ‘only go out if your journey is strictly necessary’. Which always sounds suspiciously like an invitation for people working in certain sectors to have a lie-in. Why would anybody go out in a blizzard if their journey wasn’t necessary? For a bit of sightseeing?

Now I’m sure in the risk-averse world of health and safety, taking a day off at the first sight of heavy snowfall sounds like sensible advice. It may even prevent one or two accidents. But imagine if everybody took that attitude: patients would be left untreated in hospitals, our gas, electricity and water supplies would fail. Shops would run out of food, offices and factories would grind to a standstill. And, of course, this newspaper would not be printed.

Yes, road safety is important, but there has to be a sensible balance. Because if you want to make our roads totally safe, the only answer is to ban all vehicles.

GIVEN that I would sooner have all my teeth extracted with a hot soldering iron than watch a single episode of Strictly Come Dancing, I acknowledge I am probably not best placed to comment on this.

But why would viewers take a dislike to one of the contestants, an obscure singer called Ashley Roberts, because she actually has some dancing experience?

It’s like booing your team’s star player because he is good at football.