Andrews on Saturday
HAD a good Christmas? Been keeping an eye on the calories over the festive season? I hope so, because no sooner had we tucked in to the last turkey sandwiches and polished off the mince pies, then the nanny state decided it was time to deliver another lecture on obesity.
At the moment ministers are agonising about whether or not supermarkets should face calorie limits on pizza and onion bhajis, and I suppose it is only a matter of time before somebody once more says we also need to get more active by ditching our cars and cycling or walking to work.
Perhaps somebody should convey this message to those responsible for the extension to the Metro tram line in Wolverhampton, who are spending £33 million on a scheme which has brought parts of the city to a standstill for months on end, just to save a small number of commuters the inconvenience of walking 350 yards from the tram stop to the bus station.
The work began in March last year, and is scheduled to finish in the spring – which probably means the end of August, but still, it’s good to have something to look forward to.
Now maybe it would have been a good idea to have connected the Metro to the bus station when it opened in 1999, but almost 20 years on, is it really worth all this hassle and expense to save people from a brief stroll? At £33 million – assuming it is delivered on budget – it amounts to more than £2,500 an inch.
And I thought we were supposed to be encouraging people to walk...
Y y y
MOST hilarious story of the Christmas season? It has to be reports that West Midlands police officers are being encouraged to familiarise themselves with urban street slang to better communicate with the communities they serve.
You would think, given that officers spend most of their days mixing with the criminal fraternity, they would be pretty clued up on the lingo. But apparently, they are now being urged to gen up on something called the ‘urban dictionary’, a website which attempts to codify slang terms usually associated with Ali G.
It reminds me of a long-retired crown court judge of this manor who would attempt this type of thing while addressing young miscreants in the kind of accent rarely heard outside of Radio 4. In his plummiest Received Pronunciation, he would thunder: “Just because I am giving you another chance, I don’t want you leaving this court thinking that when you’re short of a few quid you can nick something and won’t get banged up.”
Ok, you had to be there. But usually brought a smile during what were often some very drawn-out proceedings.
Attempts by the establishment to ‘get down with da kids’ always, always, always sound ridiculous, but they do give us a laugh.
Given these latest developments, if they ever bring back The Bill, I really hope the scriptwriters include a scene where Chief Supt Brownlow bursts into a drug dealer’s house and issues the caution: “Yo, dude, I’ve got a rap to turn your crib over for white chalk and collie weed. You don’t need to chirps nothing, but anything that comes out of your beak will be taken down in evidence.”
Respect.
Y y y
ACTOR Michael Sheen has donated cash to provide round-the-clock protection for the first mural in Wales by ‘street artist’ Banksy. Apparently Sheen and a few others are worried the work might be attacked by vandals.
Hmm. But what is Banksy, if not Britain’s most celebrated vandal?
