Peter Rhodes on reparations, talent and a cosmic plan to keep Mars tidy

Today, Lammy is Foreign Secretary and the campaign for compensation for Britain's role in the slave trade is gathering pace, with some estimates running into trillions of pounds. Never has the gap between being in Opposition or Government been so clear, so vast. Now he has his hands on the levers of power, how many billions of pounds of UK taxpayers' money is Mr Lammy proposing to distribute to the descendants of slaves? I think we should be told. After all, we don't want another nasty shock like the filching of the winter-fuel payment, do we?

Some scientists are urging Elon Musk to scale back his plans to send humans to Mars to avoid “contaminating” the Red Planet. Good luck with that.

But the truth is that whenever and wherever humans set their foot, contamination is right behind. We are, quite simply, a messy species. However, there may be a solution. I can't help noticing that Mars has two moons, Phobos and Deimos which look ideal for dumping waste, thus keeping Mars nice and tidy. Remember the two moons' initials: P=plastics, D=domestic waste. Problem sorted.

In the wake of the Huw Edwards scandal, BBC Director-General Tim Davie has banned the use of the word “talent” to describe its star presenters. Can't argue with that. Talent is the ability to write a novel or play the violin, not to read an autocue.

An insider at the King's Foundation reveals that His Majesty is passionate about preserving clothes and believes hemming and sewing on a button are “fundamental” skills for life. And who can argue with that? I have two outdoor jackets reaching the end of their natural life but I'll probably screw another couple of years out of them with some judicious sewing. It's indelicate to give their ages but one jacket was made by C&A, the other by Dunn & Co.

His Majesty? No, after two years, I still haven't got used to it.