'I've got the hump with speed bumps in the West Midlands - here's why' – Toby Neal

On Thursday I made a special visit to a speed hump near my father-in-law's as part of a personal mission to find the most aggressive speed hump in the Midlands.

I had got it into my head that it was at least a foot high. For those of you who only understand metric, a foot is fully 12 inches.

So I decided to measure it. Think back to your maths lessons and you will recall the mnemonic SOHCAHTOA by which if you know the angle and length of the slope you can, if memory serves, by drawing on a helpful book of coefficients/tables/magic numbers, work out the height.

But I didn't do any of that. I got out a plastic ruler and tried to do it by eye from the safety of the pavement.

The result was a great disappointment. The ruler only measured in centimetres but even I could see that 15 to 16cms was nowhere near my magic foot. Roughly about half, I would say.

But they really are out to get you. Motorists, I mean. The security apparatus of the state – infrastructure, cameras, laws – is arrayed against you, and in particular against your wallet, as you will be reminded when Robber Reeves unveils her Budget in October.