Columnist and trained counsellor Fiona Caine answers another set of dilemmas

The school holidays are a real problem for me. I work three days a week to help with bills and my husband works long hours, so childcare has always been my responsibility. I only do a five-hour day, which I can fit around school most of the time, but finding ways to keep my three children occupied and safe during holiday time is difficult.

My neighbour, who I’ve known for years, helps a bit, but they can’t do everything. I try to get my 15-year-old daughter to help by looking after her brother and sister for some of the time, but she really hates doing it. We often end up arguing because she wants to spend more time with her friends and last week I had to get a childminder at short notice. This is expensive and anything I earn simply goes to pay for childcare and I can’t take a day off at short notice and there’s no way I can work at home nor change my hours without messing other people around.

F. S.

Fiona says: Don’t shoulder this alone.

Finding affordable childcare during the summer break is one of the biggest headaches for parents. There aren’t enough places for childcare and the costs can be prohibitive, so many parents end up taking unpaid leave or use up all their holiday entitlement in one hit.

With children under the age of 16, you have a legal right to ask your employer for flexible working arrangements, but it sounds as if you’ve already got this in place. Could you do fewer but longer days, so you only need help for two rather than three days a week?

Are you receiving tax credits for childcare? If so, you are eligible for help with holiday childcare costs. You may be eligible for up to £210 a week (payingforchildcare.org.uk will give you more information).

I think one important thing to remember is not to judge yourself for this being a challenge. Yes, your older daughter would like more time with friends, but with the world the way it is, many young people have had to take on the role of carer. Perhaps you can find ways in which she can be compensated – having friends over for example, or a relaxation of some rules for the holidays. Finally, could your husband not perhaps ask for some flexibility from his employer over the summer holidays?

I’ve gained weight – is my partner annoyed?

When I first met my partner, I was thin. My figure was important to me, and I kept my weight just under eight stone for years, but it wasn’t easy and I got really anxious if my weight went up by even just a few ounces.

I was also miserable and bad tempered – but all that changed just over a year ago when I met with a guy who made me happy for the first time in years. Being with him helped me to be more relaxed about food and my body shape. We’ve been living together for about eight months now and I love him very much, but something seems to have changed.

I have put on a lot of weight. I was shocked to see that I am now over 11 stone (fast approaching 12). I don’t feel any different; I am still doing all the exercise I was doing before, but some of the things my partner’s said suggest he thinks I have got fat.

I don’t care anymore, but I really don’t want this to come between us, especially as he says he loves me, and we have even talked about getting married. Why can’t he just accept that this is the new me?

W. R.

Fiona says: There are lots of positives here.

It’s possible that his clumsy comments are a criticism of your appearance now. However, it may also be that he’s seen you put on nearly four stone in a relatively short period of time and is worried about you. Some weight gain is likely to have been a correction following your sustained period of ping-pong dieting previously, during which time you were probably somewhat underweight. However, if it continues to be an upward trend, it could become a problem. Carrying excess weight can affect our ability to carry out everyday tasks, especially as we get older. It is also associated with an increased incidence of all manner of diseases. Given this, and the fact your weight gain has been rapid, you might like to discuss it with your doctor just to rule out anything serious going on.

On the positive side, you are happy and a lot less anxious about food now. It’s also good that you’ve stopped trying to conform to someone else’s idea of what your shape and weight should be. There’s a lot to be optimistic about here, and it would be a shame to let a few uncertainties spoil your new relationship.

Should I wait to have sex after giving birth?

I have a beautiful baby boy who is just three weeks old. The birth was really straightforward and quick, and I didn’t need stitches or pain medication. My son is already sleeping well, and I feel ready to start having sex again with my partner. However, I read that I should wait until after the antenatal check-up at six weeks.

I feel really good, so do we really have to wait that long? Also, I think I would be too embarrassed at the clinic to ask someone about sex anyway. It’s been four months since I last had sex with my partner, and I miss him.

P. S.

Fiona says: Do what feels right for you.

While many doctors and antenatal health workers still recommend six weeks as a guide, there are no hard and fast rules about this.

The key is to gauge honestly how you feel and take things slowly. If it hurts, it won’t be pleasurable, so stop and try again a bit later, perhaps with a lubricant.

Finally, please don’t feel embarrassed about talking through any of these issues with your antenatal nurse – they really are used to it and will soon put you at ease.

Bad breath is controlling my life

I have always had bad breath, no matter how often I use mouthwash or brush my teeth. When I was teenager, one of my teachers told me my breath stank, and I’ve been living with it ever since.

I now hate going anywhere where I am going to be close to people and interact with them. My job is as a commercial driver, so thankfully I am on my own for most of the day. I also do all I can to avoid people, including avoiding relationships and going to the dentist. Not seeing a dentist is probably pretty dumb, but I couldn’t cope with them being that close to my mouth. As for relationships, I last had a boyfriend when I was 19 and I am now 33. I know what I’m doing isn’t particularly healthy and is making me very lonely, but what can I do?

K. F.

Fiona says: Please see a dentist.

I know you’re worried about this, but they really are the best people to assess your oral health and suggest ways that you can improve it. Don’t let this control your life any longer. It sounds as though that teacher’s comment may have had a lasting impact on your self-confidence – but it really is not too late for you to address these worries.