Columnist and trained counsellor Fiona Caine answers another set of dilemmas

My five-year-old daughter was a relatively well behaved and easy-going child, right up until her baby brother arrived last year. Now she’s a nightmare and most of her acting out is directed at her little brother. She gets angry and aggressive towards him. Last week, I left them alone for just a few moments and found her trying to force the TV remote down his throat. I screamed at her and, to my shame, actually smacked her. All this did was give me two upset children rather than one. My children deserve better and I feel terrible for what I did. But what can I do?

The following day, my daughter was back to throwing a tantrum and hitting him again. I’m exhausted looking after them and my relationship with their father isn’t helping. I find I’m irritable with him most days, especially when he complains that I should be doing more to bring some money into the home.

I know we’re struggling, and building up a bit of debt, but how does he expect me to work and look after two demanding children?

J. W.

Fiona says: You sound exhausted

Please don’t beat yourself up too much over this, looking after young children is not easy and most parents feel overwhelmed occasionally.

Your daughter is not a nightmare – she’s just a confused child who is struggling to come to terms with no longer being the sole focus of your attention. Children often display feelings of jealousy like this towards their sibling, and reverting to more behaviour such as having tantrums is one way they might demonstrate it.

Your daughter needs help to adjust, so I suggest you contact Family Lives (familylives.org.uk). In addition to a wealth of information about a child’s early years, the charity also runs a confidential helpline, as well as online chat and email services and has links to local support groups. You can also chat with other parents through online forums.

Your partner needs to help. Explain what you’ve been dealing with and just how exhausted it’s making you. Then ask for his help.

In the meantime, you could explore ways that you both might economise a little. Finally, sibling rivalry at this age doesn’t mean your children will always be like this. Most grow out of it to get along just fine with their brother or sister.

Where do I stand with a new man?

My husband put me through five years of hell before I decided to divorce. He was a bully who tried to control every aspect of my life, right down to what I could eat and when. It took me far too long to see sense and it was my sister who eventually pointed out his behaviour was unacceptable. We are now getting divorced and it’s turning out to be a messy one.

He contests everything he can, and I am finding it really stressful. On the bright side, I have met someone else who is everything my husband isn’t; he’s kind, generous and fun to be with. He’s helping me get through it. I have only known him for about three months but have already fallen for him big time.

He’s just through a difficult divorce too, which is a bit weird, but also kind of reassuring because we at least know what we want in another relationship. I’ve told him that I like him a lot and we’ve slept together a few times.

Two weeks ago, I plucked up the courage to suggest we could try living together. I was hoping he’d be up for this, but all he did was change the subject. I was a bit gobsmacked and I can’t lie, it hurt a bit.

We’ve been a bit awkward with each other since then and I don’t know where I stand. Does he want me or not? How can I make him see that I am serious about this?

J. F.

Fiona says: Take your time – I think it might be that word ‘serious’ that’s making him cautious. Like it or not, he is on the rebound from his own difficult divorce. And wanting to tread carefully before committing to another relationship would seem to me completely reasonable.

He’s also very aware that you are still going through your own messy divorce, so can’t be certain that you’re not falling into the next available relationship simply on the rebound. Much as you like this man, I think you need to back off a little. If you continue to pressure him in this way you are likely to push him away, perhaps permanently.

Can you just let things stay as they are for now? Enjoy his company and the support he seems willing to give. In the meantime, you’ll be free to concentrate all your energies on getting through your own divorce. Get the divorce finalised and then assess how things are going with this new man.

But be realistic. This may be a case of two lonely adults falling into each other’s orbit and finding common ground just because of going through a messy divorce.

Ex keeps following me around

Earlier this year, I broke off a relationship with a guy I’d known since we were at school. It had never been anything serious, but since then he won’t leave alone. I haven’t been seeing anyone else so I suppose he thinks we might get back together, but I have told him bluntly that it’s over. He still won’t move on and while I don’t think he means me any harm, it’s starting to freak me out a bit because he’s started following me around when I leave my flat.

He hangs around at the shop where I work and often gets the same bus as me when I go home. Last week, I even saw him in the back garden of my block of flats. Some days he follows me about everywhere until I lose my temper and scream at him, at which point he gets embarrassed and runs away.

My brother has offered to have a quiet word with him. But I know my brother and a quiet word is probably the last thing he’s got in mind. How can I make him leave me alone?

S. S.

Fiona says: This is not acceptable

This has gone way past the point of simply ignoring it. To my mind, this sounds like stalking.

Speak to your local police, write up as much as you can recall in as much detail as you can, then start keeping a diary detailing his actions. The more detail you have, the stronger the case the police can build. Whether he intends to harm you or not, you should not have to go about your day living in fear.

How can I help teenage son's acne?

My son was a gorgeous looking baby and little boy, but when he turned 14 it all seemed to go wrong. I am worried about him and it’s bothering him too. Nothing he does seems to make much difference. I know he washes regularly but he still seems to smell, particularly his feet. He also has bad acne. Nothing we’ve tried has improved the spots and I know this is getting him down. I wish I could do more to help. Should he see a doctor?

P. B.

Fiona says: A chat with a GP might help

It wouldn’t hurt, though he is, in all probability, simply going through the same major hormonal changes that hit all teenagers at about this age. I would mention the acne as it’s possible that too much washing with everyday soap might be making things worse. He will need to use suitable products. Continue to offer him love and support, even if he seems to reject the need for it.