Sophie becomes mum – and it is all thanks to her best friend Emma
A woman who was told she could die if she became pregnant due to cystic fibrosis has become a mother for the first time – after one of her closest friends acted as a surrogate.
Sophie Tristram, 29, and her husband Ben, also 29, from Wolverhampton, had been told around five years ago that she would not be able to carry her own baby due to her cystic fibrosis.
Although women with cystic fibrosis can give birth, a bacteria in Mrs Tristram’s lungs could have developed into a pneumonia-type illness – and could have proved fatal.
The couple started looking at other options available – and finally decided to look into the possibility of surrogacy. That was when one of their closest friends, Emma Graves, aged 37, stepped in and offered to be their surrogate.
Sophie said: “I was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis at six months old, it is a genetic condition. So I have had it my whole life.
“About four or five years ago I was told I wouldn’t be able to carry due to my cystic fibrosis – it is due to a particular bacteria that I grow on my lungs and they told me if I was to become pregnant and then get ill during the pregnancy, it could turn into a type of pneumonia, which could be in essence fatal.
“We took a lot of time to get our heads around that, I had some counselling to come to terms with it – and then it was a year before we got married, in 2018 when we started to look into surrogacy. We went to some conferences to gain an insight and information about it. But still at that time we realised we weren’t quite ready, or in the right mindset.
“Ben and I got married in 2019 and it was later that year that we signed up to the Nappy Endings agency and the plan was to source a surrogate via the agency. But during that time that was when I had the conversation with Emma. We still had all the support from the agency from start to finish.
“The conversation sparked with Emma’s husband Paul first and it was a bit of a blasé conversation we had on the way to train station in Wolverhampton and then it all went from there.
“It was completely amazing to have someone that we knew very well say they were willing to give it a go. We were very sensible in the fact that we didn’t get too excited or get too carried away with ourselves, as we knew that there was a long journey ahead of us.
“We didn’t need to go through that process of getting to know someone, we already knew her very well, we trusted her.”
Sophie, Ben, Emma and Paul were all given counselling and talked through the entire process from fertility checks, to the surrogacy agreement, to doctor’s appointments and scans, to delivery and beyond by Nappy Endings.
And it was in early 2020 that the ball started rolling – and on the day Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced the first coronavirus national lockdown in March, they found out Emma was pregnant.
Sophie said: “We transferred one embryo on March 9. We then did the pregnancy test on the day Boris announced lockdown and that is when we got the positive. It was all a bit surreal.
“We went out into the garden because social distancing had been brought in by then.
“Obviously it was great we had got this positive result but none of us could hug each other – at that point no one really knew what Covid was, how dangerous it was.”
It was at this point, Sophie was advised to shield due to her cystic fibrosis – and with guidance brought in, Emma had to go to a number of scans and appointments on her own.
Sophie said: “I was advised to shield so I couldn’t go to any appointments, well no-one could go to appointments. It was very hard because that beginning part of any pregnancy is that time when you are not to sure if everything is OK, so it was very difficult. But Emma was fantastic, she kept us updated at every point, the private scans we had she was allowed to take videos of the baby on the screen.
“We managed to get in touch with the right people at New Cross who were absolutely fantastic, and then I was able to go to all the appointments with her.
“Harry was born November 23 at New Cross Hospital. We were all allowed there – so Emma got to have her husband there for support, and both Ben and I were allowed to. So it was fantastic.
“It was amazing to see Harry for the first time. It was all very fast, the labour was quick, so it was an emotional rollercoaster.
“It is nothing you could ever describe – being a mother is amazing and something I have always wanted. I think when you are told you can’t carry, you have it go through your head that it might never happen – but now he’s here, he’s a little miracle.”
Sophie added: “I don’t think you can put into words what Emma has done for us. It’s just a massive thank you for giving us a baby that we never thought we would get.
“The repayment for us is she will be a part of his life and she will see him grow up. When he’s old enough we will explain to him how he came into this world and that Aunty Emma looked after him.”
