Peter Rhodes on crime, punishment, plumpness and modesty

A survey by Oxford University Press of more than 6,000 children found that their “word of the year” is “kindness.” And rightly so. Kindness is the greatest of human virtues. I dare say we are all born with it and it seems to be recognised and treasured by children. As we grow older, where does it go?

In the Gilbert & Sullivan operetta, the Mikado stresses the importance of “letting the punishment fit the crime.” So someone who cheats at billiards is forced to play “on a cloth untrue, with a twisted cue, and elliptical billiard balls.” 

It is a fine legal philosophy but there's not much of it in the Government's latest plan to confiscate the driving licences of people convicted of benefit fraud. What possible connection is there between driving a car and robbing the DWP? In any case, if someone is crooked enough to fiddle the benefits system, aren't they also crooked enough to drive without a licence – and maybe harder to catch? 

Did you notice how as Storm Eowyn approached, BBC weather forecasters suddenly began using the I-word? As a rule they seem to regard the big green lump to the west of Wales as the elephant in the room that must not be mentioned. 

They routinely refer to Northern Ireland but to hear plain “Ireland” is rare. Makes you wonder whether the super-woke British Broadcasting Corporation regards any mention of Ireland as colonialist. Auntie moves in mysterious ways. 

The further that events retreat into the past, the easier it is to hype their importance. Brian and Maggie (C4) recreates an interview between Brian Walden and Margaret Thatcher in 1989 which has been hailed as “the bombshell broadcast that destroyed Thatcher.” Just for the record, as one who was a political journalist in 1989, I don't remember anything about it. Hand on heart, do you?

Modesty and drama rarely go together, so in the obituary columns it's good to be reminded of the late, great character actor Christopher Benjamin's verdict on why he was offered so many TV roles: “I never thought I was any good at TV. They must have been short of fat people in those days.”