'After 30 years of never grassing a colleague up AI turned me into the office snitch'

The nightmare AI (Artificial Intelligence) predictions usually involve our man made machines deciding to overthrow their human masters. The tipping point moment when we become stupider than our technology is when our microwaves and lawnmowers will start fighting back.

Well after what happened to me last week I believe AI might kill us with kindness. Our reputations and careers could be ruined by not reading the terms and conditions written above those "I agree" buttons.

Last Thursday night I was working later than is healthy and had to transcribe an interview I had recorded.

So I found an app called Otter on my laptop which writes words from speech. None of these apps seem to pick up my Brummie accent or the Black Country twang of those who I normally interview so I don't use them.

But the interviewee had a plummy voice so if I slowed the recording down it might work. Within minutes I knew it was crap and I would spend just as much time correcting its mistakes than if I got a quill and pot of ink and wrote calligraphy.

I cursed myself for spending more time on a shortcut than doing it properly.

How much did I curse? Who knows. It was late and I might have been listening to gangster rap. I logged off and forgot all about Otter.

Until I got an email from my boss the next day.  Asking why I had taken notes of a conference meeting, which I had not even attended. I was flummoxed, I don't even take notes at the meetings I do attend how could I take notes of a meeting I did not attend.

I looked at the email, which was the summary of the meeting and noticed Otter was mentioned. And me. I was mentioned a lot. 

My stomach turned when I realised I'd sent emails to everyone in my company. And as it came from no-reply@otter.ai so now I was worried if it sent them to all my contacts.

All I had done was try and transcribe a recording and Otter had decided it could attend meetings in my name, take notes and email people in my name? The bloody cheek!

What if the thing had sent my nonsense notes from the night before, what will happen if this AI earhole had perfectly heard me belting out NWA profane laden album including **** the Police. What if I had sent that took, err the police?

My screams of pain brought the mrs and her teenager running into the room as my job flashed before my eyes.

What's wrong?

"I don't know. I've done something stupid. But I don't know how stupid."

I read the email again, it only seemed to be about this meeting which an AI version of me attended whilst I was blissfully unaware eating breakfast.

"You've attended a meeting and then sent everyone notes about it. Everyone," my girlfriend said whilst opening settings menus I'd never seen in my life.

My analogue 20th Century brain struggled to comprehend what had happened. So I can attend a meeting with not actually being there, and unlike those lockdown zoom meetings where a nation learnt how to work from some, actually take notes?

Did the people who were actually at the meeting realise the Otter me was eavesdropping. Knowing my luck, the Otter me will volunteer to work Christmas.

The meeting summary said: "The meeting discussed the use of Otter, an automated note-taking tool, and its effectiveness in transcribing meetings. Key points included the need for Adam to......blah blah blah."

And then I noticed there was a transcript of what was said, about me.

Do you really want to what people say behind your back? It sounds great but this is a recipe for disaster. Especially with the gobbledegook  these things can churn out when listening to any accent.

I peered through my fingers as I read two bemused colleagues discussing the Otter me taking notes. And one explaining what Otter was, so far so good.

"Speaker 1 explains the use of Otter, an automated meeting note-taking tool, which helps in transcribing conversations."

The presumption was I knew what I had done and was ahead of the tech curve. Then I noticed I could listen to what was actually said about meeting?

The tone was different than the serious summary I emailed everyone, I cant tell you anything else which was said because I was too scared to read anymore.

And I had work to do, and emails to reply to. My late night labour saving plan had created chaos. And fear.

How can people speak freely in meetings if there is a humourless notetaker in the corner which will send what is being said to bosses, and HR? 

Cans of toxic worms could be opened all over the place. I am very proud that in 30 years in the workplace I have never grassed on a colleague to management. Now I could be snitching via AI before I have even got out of bed.

I certainly do not trust these speech notetakers, those of us with thick regional accents are at mercy of an algorithm created in California, one slip of the tongue from being the office Gregg Wallace. 

A simple question about dinner, "Fancy faggots?" could give the AI Otter a meltdown. Will this thing even let me delete it? I thought I had. 

However, next meeting I was in, I noticed a message pop up, "Adam's notetaker would like to join..." I refused to let the interloper in, but I have noticed other people have willingly signed up to what terrified me. 

AI virtual assistant, the Otter other me, blanket emails and auto-replies? Listening to colleagues talking about me when I'm not in the room? No thank you.

Now where have I put that notepad and pen?