Nice work, if you can get to be MP

I wish I were an MP, then I would not have to worry about my extra heating costs as I would set them against my expenses.

I would also "employ" my wife to do the filing and keep my desk tidy and claim on my expenses - £10,000 a year for her services. (In reality, I would only give her £1,000 at Christmas time.)

I would also "employ" my 80-year-old mother to clean my den and set £3,000 for her services. But I know she would be quite happy if I gave her a tenner a week towards her pension. I would buy a flat as an investment and claim rent for it. That way I would get the taxpayer, over time, to pay for for my investment and I would receive the benefit of the capital return and appreciation in property prices. That's a really good earner!

Council tax increases or increased petrol costs would not bother me. I would claim my council tax in expenses and claim 40p a mile for my car. I would also claim the depreciation of my car in expenses.

I would also claim for a new laptop, as my daughter needs one for university.

In the summer vacation I would employ my daughter to undertake some political research for me and claim £10,000 from the taxpayer for her services. But in reality I would only pay her £3,000 because it's only a couple of hours per day on the internet.

Not a bad job - keep your head down and follow the party line, obey the party whip and never say a word against the leader, in fact always refer to him as your friend.

Serving the public - well, that's a downside of the job. The Prime Minister, I understand, makes all the decisions - occasionally with the Cabinet. I suppose I could always shunt awkward letters off to some clerk or civil servant.

The pay's good, the pension is good and there's always the prospect of lordship.

I would have to learn at times to ignore my conscience and religious beliefs. I would also have to put out of my mind whether a decision/act is in the best interests of society or my country. The sole question I must keep in mind is, will it get me and my party more votes?

I would have to learn to smile as I cut the tapes at garden fayres or school sports days, also not squeeze the hands so tight when I shake hands with little kids.

On reflection I don't think I have the qualifications for the job.

B A Reardon, High House, Milwich, Stafford.