Real Life: It's only six weeks we said, but then I never saw my husband again

It is 4.30 on a March afternoon. She has just been to visit her parents.

Then, the 25-year-old looks up. Two suited officers from the British Army are at her side. Her husband, 24-year-old Captain Rupert Bowers is serving in Afghanistan's war-torn Helmand Province. "My first thought was 'Oh he's got injured. What's he done now?'," she recalls. "But I could tell it was bad news by the way they were acting.

"They sat down in the house and they didn't beat about the bush, they came straight out and said 'Your husband, Captain Bowers, has been killed'.

"I had Hugo in my arms and they took him off me. My initial reaction was just to shout 'No'. They simply said 'Yes. It has happened'."

Captain Bowers was an exceptional soldier.

Serving in 2nd Battalion, The Mercian Regiment (Worcesters and Foresters), attached to 2nd Battalion The Rifles, he carried out three tours of duty in Afghanistan.

He was Mentioned In Dispatches in 2007 for running back into the line of fire during an insurgent ambush and dragging one of his injured comrades to safety. He was described by his superiors as a gifted officer who excelled in the field and possessed "the heart of a lion".

He was killed on March 21, 2012, just weeks before he was due to be reunited with his young family – and only 47 days after Hugo's birth.

At that point, he was commanding a small team responsible for the training and development of the Afghan National Army. He was based in Forward Operating Base Ouellette, in the Mirmandab region of Helmand's Nahr-e Saraj district. On that fateful day, Captain Bowers was leading a patrol to clear a position of the threat of Taliban insurgents when he was killed in the blast from an improvised explosive device.

"He knew he was taking a risk," explains Victoria, now 26. "He was right next to people when they died in previous tours. But, equally, you don't sit around thinking 'It's going to happen to me'. You just hope it won't.

"You can't ever prepare. I didn't marry him thinking 'Oh he's in the Army, I might not have a husband in a few years'. You just don't. He didn't. He didn't actually think 'I could die' because if he did he wouldn't have gone out there. In the immediate aftermath I felt sick. It is amazing what that shock does to you. I had stomach pains and wasn't able to sleep at all. I think it was just sheer disbelief and shock. I was in denial, even seeing the coffin. Today, I'm still in denial.

"That was the shock you see – the emotions. We were so happy. We had just started our family and wanted more children. Everything seemed to be going well and Rupert was really happy and to go from that height of emotional happiness to plummet and have it dragged from under you is extreme."

The couple met in 2006 at The Royal Military Academy Sandhurst in Surrey. "We met through a friend of mine from school who went to Sandhurst at the same time as Rupert," Victoria recalls, smiling as she sits in the unfurnished living room of the new house she shares with Hugo, unpacked boxes dotted around.

"My friend invited me to a party there and I met Rupert. He was a bit shy at first, which I thought was quite endearing.

"I remember there was a buffet with a big queue and Rupert came over to give me a plate of food. He gave me the food and I thought 'Oh, I might get to talk to him now' but then he walked away again as he was shy. But my friend properly introduced us later and we were talking and the next day we went for lunch. That was that really.

"I liked the fact he was shy, I think that's a sign the person is more honest. Personally, I don't like people who are too OTT or cocky. Also, he was always very opinionated and stubborn. I liked that – a lot of ambition."

They got engaged in 2009, after Wolverhampton-born Rupert had completed his first two tours in Afghanistan.

"He had booked a spa weekend at a hotel near Durham. Of course, I knew really as he had already said 'What would you say if I asked you?'. He didn't dare just spring it on me," laughs Victoria.

They married the following summer in a traditional church ceremony in Sileby, Leicester, on August 13. They were living in Rutland and, in May 2011, trainee solicitor Victoria fell pregnant. But in September of that year, Rupert, who spent in childhood in Badger and then Moreton Corbet, Shropshire, left for his third and final tour.

"We were married and I was five months pregnant by then," says Victoria. "I remember, the weekend before he went out, we had the scan and found out we were having a boy. I'm 100 per cent sure he wanted a boy so he was quite pleased. We were properly living together by then and it was a bit more difficult on my own in the house. He was away for Christmas and that was quite difficult but back not long afterwards because I was having Hugo. He had timed his mid-term leave with Hugo's due date but Hugo was two weeks' late.

"Rupert was here for around seven to 10 days after the birth. He wanted to stay with me a bit because I'd had an emergency C-section and the Army did give him that extra time but then he had to go back. That goodbye was a lot harder than the others we had had.

"And obviously I've played it over and over again in my mind since then. I know he was finding it particularly difficult. I think we both were so we didn't really broach the topic because I knew it wouldn't be good for him if he knew I didn't want him to go and he needed to stay focused.

"We both just said 'See you in six weeks. It's just six weeks'. It is forever imprinted in my mind how he walked away, he paused before he left. It wasn't easy for me. Anyone in a relationship with a soldier will tell you that. You miss them a lot. Time drags and then obviously there's the worry too. In an Army relationship, everything is looking to the future and it's all about plans and what you're going to do. That's what's been so hard for me. I know you can't plan your life exactly to the day but I always thought it would involve Rupert – that was the one solid thing in my life. To have that taken away is what's so difficult, it completely changes your outlook on life."

Captain Bowers's funeral took place in April last year at St Bartholomew's Church in Moreton Corbet. More than 250 mourners attended, including Victoria, Rupert's parents Patrick and Jane from Shrewsbury and his younger sister Juliet. "I cannot believe it's been a year. On one hand, it's dragged because it's been hell but on the other hand it's just flown by because there's so much going on," Victoria says.

"I had a strong desire just to run away but I had Hugo. Had I not had Hugo and lost Rupert, there would be nothing for me to focus on. It sounds depressive but you can't see reason for living anymore when something like this happens and you don't want to continue. But, having Hugo, I have to. I have to be here for him. It's bad enough he doesn't have a father figure, the last thing he needs is a mother that's falling apart and not there for him. And I feel like I'm doing right by Rupert. I talk to Hugo all the time about his daddy. And all the decisions I make I think about what Rupert would have thought and what Rupert would have wanted.

"Once Hugo starts understanding more, undoubtedly he'll ask 'Where is he?' and I'll just have to say 'He's not with us anymore." I'll just keep it very natural and as he gets more inquisitive and more understanding, I'll explain more about what it was but initially I''ll say 'He went to war and never came back'."

So now, Victoria and Hugo are busy settling into their new home in Newtown Linford, Leicestershire. Hugo, a beautiful and bonnie baby who has a cheeky smile and is already playing little practical jokes on his mum, has started nursery and Victoria is back at work three days a week.

"Friends and family have rallied around," she says. "Everyone's been great, an incredible support. I moved out of the house Rupert and I lived in and moved in with my parents. I couldn't live there anymore, there were just too many reminders. This move to a new house is difficult emotionally. Unpacking all the stuff makes it very real. Before, I almost felt in limbo. But this is it. There are mixed emotions. Some people have said it's exciting but I don't know if I'd call it exciting. It's great me and Hugo have a place though.

"I still have Rupert's things and a few boxes of stuff the Army sent but I have not gone through them yet. I'll sort the house stuff out and then I'll deal with that. I don't have a huge number of pictures of Rupert and Hugo because he wasn't with us for that long. One of the things that annoys me is that I didn't get one of all three of us because in the hospital I was just like 'Do not take a picture'. I wasn't really thinking 'Lets get a photo, I was thinking 'ow'. But I do have a few of them on my phone. Now I'm here I'll get some framed. And the Army is getting a portrait painted of Rupert and the artist said he'll do one for me and Hugo so I've chosen one of those two together."

Friends of Rupert, a former pupil of Stourbridge's Old Swinford Hospital who loved sailing, playing the piano, films and jazz, have also set up a fund for Hugo called Help For Hugo, the money of which he'll be able to access when he's 18 or 21. They are also raising money and awareness for Winston's Wish, a charity that supports children who have lost a parent. "Money isn't everything but it's certainly one less thing to worry about," says Victoria.

"And it's great that we can use this to raise awareness of Winston's Wish. They help children deal with bereavement, not just from war. They're not that well known either. The reassuring thing is how much people have rallied round. It's great how much people care and it reaffirms your faith in humanity."

So, is baby Hugo like his dad?

"Oh yes, right from day one I was joking with Rupert on the phone saying 'We've got a mini you'," laughs Victoria. "Some of Hugo's facial expressions are like 'Wow it's Rupert' and his little smirks and things. Initially that made it quite difficult because I kept seeing Rupert but now it's nice to have those reminders.

"Generally, he seems quite a contended baby. I am happy that I have managed to hold everything together so that he doesn't have any detrimental effects. I find now that I have good days and bad days. Some people say 'goodness, it's been a year' but to me it still feels as though it was yesterday. It's still very fresh and new.

"But I want to raise awareness of what Rupert gave up and what he's missing out on. But, sadly, this situation isn't unique. I think it just really puts perspective on life and how little control you have over it – I thought I had it all sorted. I think in the modern western world we're all quite sheltered and privileged but this kind of stuff happens.

"That said, it doesn't make it any easier for me."

By Elizabeth Joyce

To support Help For Hugo, click here or write to or Help for Hugo, C/O Mr Peter Jones, Old Swinford Hospital School, Heath Lane, Stourbridge, West Midlands, DY81QX.

For information on Winston's Wish, click here