Dave Spikey's perfect weekend

Comedian

is a best-selling author who co-wrote and starred in Pheonix Nights with Peter Kay. He also presented the revamped Bullseye TV show.

It's a Friday afternoon. What's on your mind?

Pub. It's a tradition. I live in a little village and I have been her for a long time, for years before I started doing stand-up comedy.

So at the start of the weekend, I'm looking forwad to a session with my mates. It's always great craic in our local. We get them in, have a few pints, tell some funny stories and enjoy the good times.

Who normally has the pleasure of your company at the weekend?

Generally speaking, it could be anyone. Weekends aren't the same in my line of work as they are for other people. A weekend is like a working day, so I could be out on the road in some far flung town.

But if I'm at home, I'll be with my wife or my mum. My mum lives on her own, near Bolton, so I pop round and help her with the puzzle section of the Mail on Sunday.

How do you prepare for a big night out?

I just go out.

What's your favourite party outfit?

I'm fairly casual about it, unless I have a shirt crisis. My wife doesn't understand it when that happens. You see, the thing is this: a shirt has to look right and feel right, otherwise it doesn't work. Before we go out I'll end up trying on about eight shirts before getting it right. I take longer than my wife sometimes.

My wife sometimes asks me about shoes, but I only have four pairs so I'm no use to her. What would I know about shoes? I'm no expert.

You've just arrived at the bar. What's your first drink?

It depends where I am. Mr preference is a pint of Timothy Taylor's Landlord. But if they don't have that and I'm thirsty, I'll go for a pint of lager.

What is your favourite nightspot and why?

I don't go clubbing, I'm way beyond that. But there's a pub with an Italian restaurant in it not far from our home. I can go there, have a great pizza, get the beers in and then stagger home. So that's my favourite.

What tune always gets you on the dancefloor?

Any Tamla Motown. I grew up on Tamla Motown and Stax. I love This Old Heart Of Mine by The Isley Brothers.

It's a sunny Saturday. What are you up to?

I'd probably get up and get the bikes out. That's my only real exercise.

Me and the wife go about 12 miles from our home, in north Bolton, to Rivington. It's a beautiful, beautiful area. Then we bike back.

In the afternoon – and this is in my dreams – me and some of my mates get the mini bus to the Reebok Stadium and watch Bolton thrash Arsenal 3-0.

People have the perception that Bolton is all mills and cobbles, but we're on the edge of the Penine Moors here and it's stunning, as nice as anything you might find. We have wonderful woodlands.

What's your most memorable weekend ever and why?

I think memories tend to be quite recent. Last year a gang of us organised to go to a Symphony In The Park. It was like a Last Night In The Proms. We all took something to eat, got a couple of gazebos and had a really good night. It was magical, we were getting quite drunk and really enjoying ourselves.

What's the recipe for a perfect night in?

You'll read this and think I'm always down the pub. But I'm not. I like staying at home and cooking, although I'm not very good.

Somebody bought me a Thai cookery course for Christams, which was a great present. I love making my own pastes with all of the limes, garlic, lemongrass and herbs.

Then, in the evening, me and the missus will sit down and watch the first ten minutes of Casualty. We both used to work in the NHS and we laugh at the medical inconsistencies. We like to guess what happens to a particular person. There's always a bloke in a long scarf who goes under a combine, or a woman with a sponge who falls off the window cleaning ladder.

Favourite DVD? And what would you eat while watching it?

Memento, the Guy Pearce film. I've watched it three times but still don't understand it. I'd have beer and pizza while watching it.

Sunday breakfast – cooked or continental?

Cooked. I've been a vegetarian for more than 20 years and my wife does a brilliant omelette with veggie sausages. You still can't get good vegetarian bacon.

Sunday lunch – home cooked or down the pub?

Home cooked – you can't get a decent veggie lunch down the pub. I've eaten too much soggy pastry, mushroom stroganoff and goat's cheese tart.

When and how do you like to relax?

I like reading and listening to music. My tastes are very eclectic, or as we say in the north 'I like all sorts'.

My dad loved classical, even though he was a painter and decorator, self-employed. I like getting a generic chill-out CD. If there's a track that stands out you chase up the artist.

You've got a whole weekend off and a wad of money in your back pocket – which country or city would you head to?

If it's only a weekend, I haven't got the time to go to Barbados.

I've never been to Rome, and everybody recommends that.

I'd probably go to Manchester, I love it there since it's been regenerated. There are great hotels and restaurants and bars.

* Dave Spikey plays Birmingham's Glee Club on Wednesday and Shrewsbury's Theatre Severn on April 14. See www.glee.co.uk and www.theatresevern.co.uk