You’ll always find me in the kitchen at my place! Yes chef

Not exactly your average week, except maybe the latter.

But of course, and most importantly, we have had the return of the nation’s favourite cooking show - Masterchef.

I’m sure you’ve all been clinging on this week waiting for my hot take on the major events but I am afraid you will need to keep clinging on.

Yes I know it is interesting that Britain is leaving the EU and that the Cristiano Ronaldo statue looks nothing like him but we have a more important issue to discuss - cooking.

For those who have been reading my columns (thanks by the way, I’ll keep the monthly payments coming) then you will have noticed my fleeting references to cooking. First we had my anger towards my home affairs teacher back at school for putting me off beef stroganoff for life and then also how could we forget about my esteemed colleague who, on the topic of weirdness, told me about the merits of cooking salmon in a dishwasher. Salmon. In. A. Dishwasher.

Apparently it is really nice, and cooks the salmon to perfection. If any of you dare to try it then please let me know the results. I’m not really sure how it works, but I would not recommend using a dishwasher tablet and trying to wash plates in it at the same time.

Anyway in case you had not worked it out already, I have recently taken a second job. Alongside writing columns for your unrivalled enjoyment, I am now also a professional chef.

I cook in the soon to be Michelin-starred restaurant Chez Averty practically every night.

Sometimes I have a night off and the high class establishment that is Just Eat provides me with my much needed nutrition. But most nights I am there with my apron (usually a dressing gown), chopping vegetables and sprinkling salt and pepper with the exaggerated raised arm pretending I am good at what I am do.

I have become fascinated by cooking, which has come as a surprise to everyone, not least me, as I hated it more than anything growing up. My mum tried to teach me but I had no interest. Why would I? She would do all the cooking, and the meals were lovely. Mum out or away? Dad steps in and we go out, get a takeaway or I get bacon and eggs.

When I went to university my mum, despite several pleas, did not move with me. I tried to convince my dad but I was not allowed a personal chef. The solution? Learn to cook of course. Did I? Nah. I could boil pasta and that was more than satisfactory. I thought that was me set for life in cooking terms.

However, in some sort of divine intervention from the cooking gods, or Gregg Wallace, I found my ‘palate’ as the chefs say - f****** palate if you are Gordon Ramsay.

Now here I am, I’ve become addicted. Some people have hard drugs, I have scrambled eggs with chorizo, kale and peppers.

But it is cooking as a whole that has got me gripped, especially watching cooking shows on telly.

It’s not just Masterchef, although Gregg’s love of puddings is unrivalled, I cannot get enough of cookery shows in general.

Whenever I eat now, whether it’s a snack or a Chez Averty special, I have to be watching a cooking show. From the Hairy Bikers to reruns of Saturday Kitchen, all you will find on in my house now is cooking shows. I’m not really sure why, I do not follow the recipes and never have any hope of cooking them because quite frankly I am just not very good at cooking.

It’s a weird thing to be totally gripped and fascinated by something and really be not that good at it. Of course you need the self awareness to know when you are not good at something, which thankfully my partner helps provide me in abundance most nights at my restaurant.

I really don’t mind though, in my eyes it is perfectly fine to be not so good at a hobby as long as you enjoy it. Unfortunately a lot of people do not see it the same way.

Low level sport is a good example, especially when you are around the teenage years. You turn up to football training for the first time and immediately get judged.

A couple of bad touches and misplaced passes and everyone realises you are not very good. That’s okay right? The group will just have a laugh and help you get better because you are there to enjoy it. Except it does not work like that.

We seem to live in a society where it is not ok to be bad at something. Why? I’m not a great cook but I do not harm anyone with it except the odd food poisoning. You should be allowed to do what you enjoy and, providing it is a safe thing to do, be encouraged to carry on and improve. People have to make mistakes to learn, rather than being told that they are not very good and to find something they are good at, something they probably will not enjoy as much.

Your good task for this week can be to encourage a friend, family member, partner or whoever to carry on with the thing that they enjoy but you know full well they are not very good at. If you need tips speak to my partner, she has perfected the 'yep it's delicious' lie when tasting my food.

Of course being allowed to do what you want provided you enjoy it does come with a disclosure, as some things are quite dangerous. For example you cannot fly a plane if you are not very good as the consequences could be catastrophic, nor should you play politics if you are not very good at it as you might end up dragging the UK out of the safe haven of the EU and into the abyss.

If friends of Nigel Farage are reading this, instead of encouraging him to carry on with the thing he is not very good at try and push him away from politics and into something else - cooking perhaps.