Pete Cashmore: It's a very mad world! Trump, the Apocalypse & crass costumes

Generally, I prefer the column to be a politics-free zone, because that leaves me more space to talk about things that really matter, like football, amusing animals and hot dog/hamburger combinations. But it would be remiss of me, as a social commentator of note, to not at least touch upon the most berserk drama in political history that is unfolding across the pond, the US Presidential race.

I mean, have you ever seen anything so crackers in your life? The simple fact that Donald Trump is, at the time of writing at least, still in the running for the White House – rather than exiled to a distant island to have a good long think about his values – underlines the case that at least half of the USA (at a conservative estimate) is as mad as a box of frogs.

He has already revealed himself to be a barking great misogynist, and spectacularly racist towards the Mexicans to boot. If the footage that apparently exists of him being grossly offensive towards African-Americans comes to light, then there pretty much won't be anybody for him left to offend.

And yet still there are people who intend to put an X next to his name, with the likes of Piers Morgan (not the best judge of character, one might argue) insisting that he is the man for the job and clearly better than Hillary Clinton.

Now, I'm sure that Ms Clinton isn't whiter than white – her husband certainly isn't and she's still married to him – and much of America may struggle with the notion of, shudder, a female in the top spot, but surely the majority of Americans must realise that she's the better option.

Trump is, there's no other word for it, INSANE. His hairstyle alone tells us that. And his personal politics are utterly reprehensible. In a nutshell, if he becomes the most powerful man on Earth then I think it may well be one of the harbingers of the Apocalypse.

Moreover, he doesn't actually, to the untrained eye, have any policies AT ALL, unless he was actually serious about building that massive wall to keep out the Mexicans. Watching him in the last Presidential debate with Clinton last weekend (I couldn't sleep) I was reminded of nothing more than a classic episode of The Simpsons. It was one of their Halloween 'Treehouse Of Horror' episodes, in which the green one-eyed aliens Kang and Kodos inhabit the bodies of Bill Clinton and Bob Dole in the run-up to the election.

In it Clinton/Kang tells a debate audience, 'Abortions for all!' and everyone boos. 'Okay, abortions for nobody!' More boos. 'Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!' Everybody whoops and cheers. It's a clever satirising of how Americans can sometimes be a little simple-minded when it comes to politics and button-pushing rhetoric. And yet this is the exact tack Trump is taking in his debates. He IS Kang and Kodos rolled into one. Whenever he's backed into a corner, he just starts wittering on about 'smashing ISIS'. He doesn't explain how he intends to do it, just that it's going to happen. And everyone cheers! They say we always get the rulers we deserve. Well, not even America has done enough to deserve Trump.

On the subject of Halloween (I'm good at these little segues, aren't I? I should think of becoming a writer) I recently touched upon the matter of Halloween costumes for dogs and how they are being called sexist by people who have too much time on their hands.

Generally, my attitude towards Halloween outfits is that, within reason, anything goes. I'd draw the line at Donald Trump – I have some limits – but generally I'd say, go as whatever you like.

But, really, some people are stretching the limits. Specifically, California-based costume company Costumeish is stretching the limits, by unveiling a 'Kim Kardashian being robbed' costume. Yes, for just $70 you can go to a fancy dress party as a multi-millionaire reality TV star being bound and gagged while she is robbed of millions of pounds' worth of jewellery.

It doesn't name Kim directly in the product name – after all, they don't want to be, you know, sued for an incredible bit of defamation – but given that it's called the 'Parisian Heist Robbery Victim Costume Kit' and looks exactly like Kim Kardashian, it's pretty clear upon whom it is based.

I mean, REALLY? Has it come to this, when a woman being bound, gagged, roughed up and robbed becomes a matter of comedy and an amusing costume to wear to a party? I've never been robbed at gunpoint – I've nothing worth taking – but I'd imagine that it's pretty terrifying and certainly not something at which to chuckle.

I'd like to think that we'd never do anything so tasteless in the UK. Only in America. Remember what I said about getting the leaders we deserve?

And, staying with dodgy costumes (see, I did it again!) I had quite a traumatic experience at work last week when I experienced what I gather Star Trek fans call 'a hull breach'. By which I mean that the seat of my trousers gave way at an inopportune moment. I crouched down to talk over a layout with a colleague and it was simply too much for my trews to take. They were rent asunder, right across my bum.

Well, what can one do in such a situation? Luckily, I always keep a spare pair at work – I'm not even sure why, it's not like you tear your trousers every day – but I was right on the other side of an open-plan office from the exit by the locker room. The walk to that exit, with my pants on show for all the world to see, may as well have been a mile.

But I had no option but to take it, clutching the seat of my trousers closed while I walked.

And so, as a result, my colleagues now believe that I'd had another kind of accident at my desk, and the more I protest, the less they believe that this wasn't the case. I just thought I'd share this story with you, if you happen to be having a bad week. It can always be worse...