Don't believe the hype? I'm a sucker for all that spiel

Like that ad for the Gtech AirRam. Have you seen it? Amazing, isn't it? Bloody wondrous. They say it's the best vacuum ever, you know? I truly believe that if I possessed a Gtech AirRam I would be the happiest girl on earth.

And don't even get me started on the JML Super Mop Pro.

The ever-swirling, ever-growing razzmatazz surrounding TV shows is similar. Only more fierce. Almost tribal.

Pah! You've never seen Game of Thrones? Get out of my sight, peasant.

What do you mean you've never watched Breaking Bad? OMG, I didn't know people like you still existed.

I don't think there's ever been as much pressure as there is now to be tuning in to precisely the right shows.

Only thing is, I don't even know where to find them.

My online friends, the ones with names like Lyle and Daisy, are always tweeting and TV-Tagging (?!) about the latest must-watch episode of such-and-such; some uber-cool Swedish drama with a one-word title that scares me a little.

They've streamed it, they've downloaded it, they've paid the extra £25 a month to Mr Murdoch to get that cool channel where they only air cool things.

Well I'm not called Daisy and my boyfriend's not called Lyle.

My name's Liz and he's Keith: we don't stand a hope in hell of ever being cool or ahead of the curve.

We still refer to 1, 2, 3 and 4 as 'the proper channels' and, until recently, thought Netflix was some sort of footballing dressage.

I realise this is rather worrying seeing as part of my actual job is to write a weekly TV column but them's the breaks, son. You can't always get what you want.

Predictably however, I'm am giving into the hype. I can't stand being an outsider anymore.

I've scribbled down a must-watch list featuring all the usual suspects: House of Cards, Breaking Bad, Orange is the New Black, Game of flippin' Thrones. . . blah, blah, blah . . . yada yada yada. . .

House of Cards was first: I devoured both seasons in a week. I had to do this one first because my mate Dan was literally going to explode if he didn't get another person to talk about it with. And no one wants that.

Did it live up to expectation? The first season: absolutely yes. The first and last episodes of the second season: yes. The bits in-between: no.

There was something about a bridge, some beef with China and a whole lot of words that washed over me as I daydreamed instead about the Gtech AirRam.

Now I'm on to Breaking Bad. I'm four episodes in.

So far? Meh.

Apparently this is a normal reaction and I have to stick with it because it's about to get OMG so amazing it's unreal good.

I think I'm going to stay the distance. After all, I don't want to be on the outside looking in – my uncool nose pressed against the glass – at the rest-of-the-world Breaking Bad convention.

And besides, the entire planet can't be wrong, can it? Just look at all those bets we placed on Brazil . . .