Elizabeth Joyce: This recipe for perfect telly works every time
Is Come Dine With Me TV's greatest homegrown success story of recent years?
Let's make like Loyd Grossman and look at the evidence (and conveniently ignore the existence of
).
Well, first of all, CDWM is a constant: like oxygen and the 529 bus, it's always there when you need it.
Hungover and unable to move on a Sunday? CDWM is there.
Nothing else on telly while you're eating your tea? CDWM is there.
A desperate need to snoop inside other people's homes and view their former glamour model shots or collection of dead cat's teeth? CDWM is there.
It is universally liked, an ever-present comfort on TV schedules, a bit like Friends or Only Fools and Horses.
It's proved to be no flash in the frying pan (there's a little cooking-related pun for you all), dominating the listings for the past nine years. While other TV trends have come and gone, CDWM has stayed as strong as Marge Simpson's hairspray.
And the reason we love it so? Well, it's not the cooking that's for sure. Unless peaches and crab or frozen ham-and-egg salad are your bag.
It's the nosy neighbours thing; our fascination with the human condition. Who doesn't want to see what a white witch gets up to at home? Or a cocky Wolverhampton salesman having a meltdown and throwing a crème brûlée out the window?
The all-conquering, sarky-as-hell narration of Dave Lamb doesn't hurt either.
And while it is a constant, it's known to shake things up every now and again with a celebrity edition or exotic location (Tenerife). And now it's gone and added another string to its bow: Couples Come Dine With Me.
Now, some people out there may claim it's "jumped the shark". But anyone who actually uses the phrase "jumped the shark" – meaning the gimmicky point in which a TV show starts to decline – is a complete tool. Just stop talking to them and walk away immediately. They have nothing to offer you.
I actually thought Couples CDWM was pretty darn good. The first episode brought together three couples – hipsters Darren and Sian, poshos Stephen and Ayesha and normos Dawn and Simon – who would never normally meet each other and it made for great telly.
Astrophysicist Stephen, for example, lying on the floor to play a homemade piano back-to-front in front of his bamboozled guests was priceless. This was the same astrophysicist who couldn't work a blender.
Seeing how the couples interact with each takes the whole "human condition" thing to a new level: it was intriguing to see how Darren (is it possible to be a hipster and be called Darren at the same time?) and Sian spoke in exactly the same, like, absolutely, totes cool way or how Dawn casually henpecked Simon while wearing the most colourful outfit know to man. Seriously, Joseph would be proud.
For me, the couples element is an excellent and interesting addition to a TV show that just doesn't seem to have a use-by date.
** Gets in taxi, slurs words and holds up a laminated card with the number 10 on **
