How to buy a chocolate bar you can truly bank on
If you're a teenager studying hard for your A-levels, feeling pangs of guilt at taking time out to read this, allow me to ease your conscience.
Because what you are about to read is not just the usual frivolous frippery you get in this column. It could, but probably won't, be a vital tool in helping you make the huge decision about whether it is worth saddling yourself with a lifetime of debt for the benefit of a degree.
I'm going to tell you how studying economics has changed my life.
Economics is not one of those namby-pamby subjects with little application in the outside world. It is real, it is all around us. Practically every decision we make is an economic decision
And almost everything we do boils down to three basic factors: utility, ie the benefit derived from a particular course of action; price (straight-forward enough); and opportunity cost, which is the alternative you forego by making a particular choice.
While I could explain how this made it obvious the financial crash of 2008 was a disaster waiting to happen, that'd be very boring. So instead I am going to tell you how eight years studying economics has made me a dab hand at choosing a chocolate bar.
Now, I prefer Aero to a Toffee Crisp. However, we live in a diverse society, and I always endeavour to respect other cultures, so if you prefer a Wispa, that's fine with me.
However, to keep things simple, let's assume Aero is the preferred option. So you just pick one up and head for the checkout?
No, no, no! That is just the start of the chocolate-choosing process.
Suppose, for example, that the cost per gram (and it's always grams or kilos in the big supermarkets) of a Toffee Crisp is lower than an Aero. A rational economic agent will then decide whether the extra enjoyment of choosing an Aero justifies the extra expenditure. This is the utility-price ratio, or value for money as it's known.
Of course, some would say this is a very superficial and unfulfilling view of the world, and I would agree.
Because it doesn't consider opportunity cost.
Say you have decided that the Aero is worth the extra outlay. But what else could you have done with the money had you foregone the charms of mint-flavoured bubbles? You could have put it into a cash Isa, or invested on the stock market. Who knows, a few hundred thousand Aeros down the line, and you might have saved enough for a Mediterranean cruise, or a sports car. Or a lot of Toffee Crisps. Like I say, live and let live.
And this is why we should all celebrate the success of discount retailer Poundland. Not simply because it is a local success story, not because it is a rags to riches story of a former market trader. But because it means, as a nation, we are becoming more economically savvy.
Yes, there are people who sneer at discount retailers, but how many of them are actually wealthy? Plutocrat or pauper, we all have two things in common – finite resources and infinite wants. And those who allocate their resources wisely – by carefully weighing up the pros and cons of every decision they make – are the ones who will ultimately end up with the most at their disposal.
And next time you see somebody causing a long queue at the confectionary counter, don't think of them as a nuisance. Instead see them as well-educated individuals whose actions could save our economy.