Elizabeth Joyce: And I guess that's why they call it the blues . . .

I've never had the January blues before but, my God, it's a nightmare.

I've been moody, tired and craving sugar for the past 31 days.

And not just craving sugar in a "Gee, I sure would like a Starburst or two". Oh no. My cravings have been more along the lines of "Give me two packets of Mini Eggs and three packs of Percy Pigs before I stab you in the neck with my Biro. Don't mess with me. I'll do it."

The other day, I ate half of a family-sized chocolate brownie cake.

Not a brownie.

Not a cake.

A chocolate brownie cake.

The little doughnut of doom on the packet, y'know the thing that tells you how much salt, fat and sugar you're about to eat, was so bright and red, I though it was going to burst into flames. It was a Catherine wheel of cake, a blazing sun of saturates.

And after I've demolished all of this, what do I do? Sleep.

I think I've slept through about 95 per cent of January. Well, there's been nowt else to do has there?

What's the alternative? Watch The Jump or do some exercise? No ta, I'd rather stick pins in me eyes.

No, for the three minutes I've actually been awake throughout this melancholy month, I've been spending money instead. A desperate bid to cheer myself up with flimsy material things.

"If I buy this fancy face cream, I shall be truly happy," I found myself concluding t'other day. "Not only shall I have delightful dewy skin, but my heart and soul will finally be full and complete and content."

I had similar feelings for a pair of Marks & Spencer shoes – which I found so momentarily fulfilling, I posted a pic of them on Twitter – and a jumper from Topshop with a rabbit on.

"This rabbit is all that is missing from my life. I must buy it immediately, if not sooner, for my own well-being."

Absolute nonsense, the lot of it.

My only comfort is that I'm not alone in all this.

We've all been grumpy, lethargic and unhealthy of late, haven't we? We've all been sluggish and sloppy and spending a bit of money for a cheap thrill.

My sister is so fed up with things, she splashed out on both a two-week holiday to Mexico and a brand new house last week.

Which kind of makes my rabbit jumper look a bit lame in comparison. I just can't catch a break.

But all is not lost. Today is February 1. A new beginning. A fresh start.

The evenings are a bit lighter, our social lives are a bit healthier and at least we've got Valentine's Day to look forward to. I know I'm clutching at straws here but did you not hear the chocolate brownie cake story? Desperate times.

I can only hope that things get better and I finally snap out of my sugar coma/bad mood once and for all.

Until then, I'm going back to bed. With Percy.