Express & Star

Keith Harrison: The answer to life, the universe and everything?*

Great theme tune, but I don't do Dr Who. Not since the days of Tom Baker and Leela in 1977, anyway.

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None of this CGI nonsense in those days, Tom made do with a floppy hat, plastic dog and long scarf for props.

And, not surprisingly therefore, he was always upstaged by his sidekick in a skimpy loin cloth.

God, I miss the 70s.

She was a 'primitive' who the last good Doctor tried to 'civilise'. He clearly failed, however, as she turned up on EastEnders many years later, looking like the Terrahawks had got to her. So whoever set the TARDIS controls for the Year 2000AD would have been massively disappointed to find London taken over by Shane Richie, Barbara Windsor and that bloke who plays Ian Beale.

They should have left it to the Daleks.

At least alien logic would immediately reduce Richard Branson's irritating, ad-monkey muppet David Tennant to a non-speaking role. Please.

I prefer my science-fiction to be a bit more, well, factual. Red Dwarf's grungy inhabitants and the chances of earth being destroyed to make way for a hyperspatial express route in Hitch-hiker's Guide are more likely to be reality than any shiny steel vision of a brave new world.

Unless tattoos, kebab shops and Sports Direct are going to be outlawed, the future is destined to be ugly, smelly and badly dressed, no matter how many gizmos we come up with. But who knows??This week we saw a glimpse of things to come that made me genuinely go 'wow'.

Amazon's plan for airborne drones to deliver goods to your doorstep within 30 minutes of them being ordered is truly the stuff of science fiction satisfaction.

Of course, it didn't take long for the cynics to start doubting. "They'll use them for target practice over Cannock," said one colleague.

He's wrong, obviously. The big Amazon warehouse round here is in Rugeley – so they'll be shot down long before they make it as far as Cannock.

Still, an impressive idea though. How long before pizzas, papers and pills are delivered in the same way?

Because the reality is that technology has moved on more in the past three years than it has in the previous 20. And it will move on more in the next two years than it has in the past 30.

The first iPhone was launched just six years ago. The first screen was cracked minutes later. And the first iPad was shown to an intrigued world way back in . . . 2010.

"If you can picture it in your mind, it can happen in the future," one expert reckoned on TV the other day.

Great. Me and Katy Perry will be an item any day now.

People point to the original Star Trek and say how Captain?Kirk's crew were so ahead of their time with their mobile phones and big screen TV. Of course they were ahead of their time – it was set in 2265.

But not everyone is catching on. At my local sorting office I queued outside in the cold before squeezing into a freezing room smaller than a Klingon's jockstrap, while three staff elbowed their way around a single window and a hand-written ledger.

It had all the technology of Bob Cratchit's Christmas list, but I liked the old-school approach.

For the first half an hour, at least.

After that I was praying for something – anything – to speed things up and get me away from the human drone behind, sneezing over my shoulder.

"Ayyytishuuuu. Sniffle. It's like this every year isn't it? Ayytisshuuuue. Why don't they get some computers in? Ayyyy-ayyy-ayyyy-tisshuuue!"

Good question.

But for all the technology in the world sometimes the simplest solutions are the best.

Like a handkerchief.

Beam me up, snotty.

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