Real Life: Secret affairs in the murky world of the internet

We'd been online dating for less than 10 minutes when we received this message from a complete stranger.

He had no idea what we looked like, no idea of our personality, career or family life, and yet here he was, inviting himself round to our house for sex.

We felt totally grubby but was it really such a surprise? We were, after all, on a dating site specifically for married people.

The internet is a murky world, you don't need us to tell you that - who hasn't had the odd insult thrown their way on Twitter? Or some stranger clumsily propositioning them on Facebook?

But extra-marital affairs are just the start of it. Instant hook-ups, anonymous abuse, pack-mentality bullying, it's all on there.

For every useful/positive/educational/entertaining website, there's usually 100 more doing the complete opposite. And it seems there's a new controversial site springing up every two seconds, being blamed for everything from promoting promiscuity to cyber bullying and even suicide.

But, behind the headlines and Middle England uproar, are these sites really that bad? We decided to give four of them a go.

It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it.

Right, first up, the married dating site.

Illicit Encounters claims to be the place for you if you're feeling neglected by your husband or wife.

Instead of facing up to your problems, being honest with your spouse and trying to work towards a solution, why not "rediscover romance, passion and adventure" with a complete stranger?

In a nutshell, it's a dating site for married people with 853,101 users in the UK.

When we logged-on on a quiet Thursday morning, there were 520 people online and ready to chat, 195 of whom were women.

We signed up as My Fair Lady, a 30-year-old unhappily married woman from Wolverhampton. Our avatar was a glossy, lipsticked mouth and within five minutes we'd had three messages and a "virtual kiss", which is a bit like a Facebook poke. Only grosser.

We described ourselves as "another lost soul who just wants to be happy again", saying we enjoy meals out, the cinema, cooking and dancing.

Men from Warrington, Nottingham and Stratford- upon-Avon viewed our profile within seconds but it was the ones closer to home who got talking.

One 43-year-old married man from Telford kicked things off.

"Hi I'm not far from you in Telford. Would you like to chat? Come and say hi once you've checked me out...lol."

We did indeed check his profile out (despite the fact he'd LOL-ed). It revealed he was looking for "pleasures and opportunities" to enhance his life.

"As is the case with most folks on here, I'm in a marriage that I'm not looking to upset, but feel the need to seek external stimulation both mentally and physically," it read. We got back to him, saying we were new to all this and a little nervous. Did he have any advice?

"I'm in the same boat as you as I'm a relative newcomer to all of this. Just hope it's quick and painless."

However, just one general message later and we received this: "Yes there are plenty on here but not many do anything about it...fancy chatting via email or phone it's quicker than on here. Passing Wolves later on my way home could say 'hi'...be daring...lol."

We're not going to lie, we felt queasy. This man was a complete stranger but was willing to speed round to our house and strike up an affair in an instant.

We tell him he's coming on too strong.

He replies: "Ok well I'm a strike while the iron's hot type of guy...but understand being cautious...You got a pic? what about chatting on email?"

We don't respond again.

But don't think it's just husbands up to no good on Illicit Encounters. We spotted wives from Walsall, Worcestershire and Telford during our time online.

One Worcestershire woman posted: "I need the excitement back. Looking for someone to flirt with who enjoys my company and will give me some much-needed attention. Someone to go out with and who can show me a good time in and out of the bedroom. Someone open-minded up for trying different things. Won't sleep with a guy on a first date so don't ask."

It was at this time that we got another message.

It was from a 45-year-old man in the East Midlands who immediately assured us he was willing to travel.

"Well I have been married far too long," he replied after we asked for some information about himself. "Have two kids, one at home, one at university. I am not shy, love to kiss and be kissed anywhere and everywhere. I have had a couple of affairs before, one lasted nine years the other four-and-a-half. I want to share and have some fun. Simple person, happy-go-lucky, but missing some TLC."

This one may not have invited himself round to our house but the whole thing was no less depressing.

Is this what it's come to? A website dedicated to little more than lies, cheesy chat-up lines and cheating?

We have to say, of the three websites we tried, Illicit Encounters was the most soul-destroying. It's little more than a seedy sex pit for desperate husbands and bored housewives.

Words such as "unwanted", "neglected" and "ignored" are thrown about constantly but does any of that really make it OK? Cheating is cheating – and all the excuses, emoticons and LOLs in the world won't change that.

Next up, we tried Ask.fm, the question-and-answer site with 65 million users – half of whom are under 18.

To the uninitiated, Ask.fm allows people to ask and answer questions posted by their friends and complete strangers.

On the surface, it's pretty harmless stuff. We were asked "What three things make you smile" (answer, Ribena, woolly socks and bubble baths if you're interested) and "Do you spend too much time on smart phones playing stupid games?" (answer, no).

However, despite initial appearances, Ask.fm finds itself at the centre of a storm surrounding teen bullying and suicide.

Nine teenagers connected to the site have killed themselves, allegedly after receiving online abuse, a lot of it from anonymous sources.

Critics have said it encourages bullying, long-running arguments and a pack mentality. Bosses at the Latvia-based social networking site are beefing up controls but many say the damage has already been done.

While we were nosing around the site, we saw insults hurled at youngsters as young as nine including "Why are you so fat?", "No one in Year 9 likes you" and "Your entire family are retarded".

While to anyone over the age of 20, Ask.fm is ultimately a trivial and, it has to be said, rather dull site, we can 100 per cent see why vulnerable youngsters can feel like it's the centre of the universe and drown in the sea of anonymous abuse.

There's harmless stuff on there of course, ranging from One Direction and Justin Bieber to who-fancies-who playground gossip, but there is most definitely a nasty undercurrent. It's a breeding ground for both the bullies and bullied.

Finally, we tried Tinder, a dating and friendship app that uses GPS technology to see who's in the vicinity and interested in you.

You sign up, your picture goes online and anyone in the area who likes the look of you can get in touch.

It's no-nonsense stuff, boiling down to a "hot or not" decision. If people like the look of you, messages are sent; if they don't, you're instantly discarded and sent to the virtual scrapheap.

However, despite setting a 100-mile area from which to pick from, we had no luck whatsoever.

Embarrassing.

So we decided to jump ship to Grindr, the gay equivalent.

Selecting a handsome man from our database of pics, we signed up as Wild Oscar, a 24-year-old single guy from Wolverhampton looking for no-strings fun.

As soon as our profile became live, there was interest from men in the immediate area – one guy was only 800ft away. Intense stuff.

A user from Staffordshire sent us intimate pictures, while another asked what we were into – and we're not talking music and films here.

One guy from Wolverhampton asked if we had our own place and whether we wanted to hook-up right there and then.

And that's very much the nature of Tinder and Grindr; cut to the chase, no-strings attached, instant hook-ups.

But despite their upfront honesty – something the other sites clearly lack - it all still feels a bit seedy.

We deleted all four sites as soon as possible.

Did we find love? Did we find friendship or a kindred spirit? Did we learn something new?

In a word, no.

All our time on there did was leave us mourning a lack of morals and manners - and craving interaction with real people in the real world, which suddenly didn't seem so bad after all.