Hip op has turned me into a daytime telly addict

When I wasn't groaning, feeling weak as dishwater so hobbling back to bed or staring out of the window pathetically waiting for something to pick up, the weather, my spirits, anything really – none of the previous are characteristics to which I usually lay claim incidentally – I was flicking the TV controls.

Now this is a highly dangerous activity and one which I certainly hadn't planned. What I had planned was to get over the actual op (three or four days?) then from my specially raised chair cheerfully and imperiously wave a pair of crutches demanding attention as I reorganised the house, booked decorators to start the minute I was fit again, wrote another book, had lengthy and deep conversations with friends I'd ignored for far too long, the usual kind of thing.

In the event, I could barely hold any kind of conversation for weeks, anaesthetic and morphine combined to transform me from just another old bird who'd worn out a hip, to a zombie-like creature creepily hallucinating little purple monsters on the ceiling. Who the devil takes that stuff for fun?

It was altogether bizarre and possibly the end of life as I'd known it. But … this is where the TV controls came in. As the worst of the pain eased, the misery abated and I could at least concentrate a bit, albeit like a piece of loose knitting.

And so to Daytime TV. The 24-hour news programmes are obvious and, of course, acceptable. But how do you move from there to overdosing on Jeremy Kyle, the jaw-dropping people he attracts and towards which you feel a horrible fascination?

In a bid to not get hooked him, I started trawling channels I never knew existed. Which is how I came to see every known episode of Keeping Up Appearances and The Vicar of Dibley along with wall-to-wall digital Morse, Midsomer Murders, Lewis, Frost and very likely Uncle Tom Cobley also chucked in. How would I know the difference?

So much for 'get well quick' in a civilised manner. A final word to the friend who kindly reminded me 'you need to remember you're not 20 any more'.

Shut up!