Bilash, Cheapside, Wolverhampton
It's where politicians, footballers and rock stars go to spice up their lives. But does Bilash live up to its decades of hype?
For years, people have wandered past that distinctive yellow shell, peered in through the huge glass window and thought "one day".
In the fleeting seconds they pass by, they catch glimpses of the lucky few who have made it inside, clinking their glasses, licking their lips and scraping up every last morsel of food from their plates.
After all, Bilash has something of a formidable reputation. Not only is it the best restaurant in Wolverhampton by a Black Country mile, it is the place politicians come to plot, footballers come to relax and rock stars and comedians are drawn to from the Civic.
But there is also a generally held belief that it's "too pricey for the likes of us". All this talk of celebrities and the Michelin Guide has us normal folk thinking it's a curry house too far. We therefore continue to dream as we stroll past it and into some nondescript pub for a two-for-one deal. However, shout it from the rooftops, that famous yellow doorway is well and truly open to all.
Yes, there are tiger prawns and lobster on the menu if you've got the cash to flash (the most expensive main is £28.90 and some of the wine is "price on application", never a good sign) but there are also plenty of reasonably priced dishes and deals on offer. Couples can enjoy poppadoms, starters, mains, coffees and a bottle of plonk on Mondays and Tuesdays for just £60 and the cheapest main course on the a la carte menu is under £10.
But the food here is so good – so lip-smackingly, mind-blowingly good – it's best to go when you've got some cash in your pocket and can really go for it.
When I finally made it inside Bilash after decades of wanting and wishing, all but pressing my nose up against the window, I was not disappointed.
"May I take your coat, Madam?" the waiter asked. "A gin and tonic, Madam? Or a glass of champagne perhaps?"
Well, it would be rude not to. A glass of pink bubbles swiftly arrived and bottle of Bangla Beer for my other half.
In those first few minutes, we were treated like royalty. As well as the friendly waiter on the door, Mohammed Khan – who's in charge of things along with his father Sitab – greeted us, seats and napkins were whipped out and a plate of poppadoms and accompaniments arrived in next to no time. And these were not your usual poppadoms and dips, these were crisp discs and sumptuous, spicy and silky sauces including a rich mango chutney and cooling raita. They, along with the bowl of fresh onions, tomatoes and coriander, led us to quickly order two more poppadoms.
Bilash has been the jewel in Wolverhampton's crown for 30 years now and its experience and knowledge is evident when you peruse the menu. Specialising in Bangladeshi and Indian cuisine, each dish is tempting and many are award-winning.
However, when it came to the starter, there was only one choice for me, the £7.95 tiger prawn in pepper sauce served on a puri. Now, it has been several days since my visit to Bilash and I am still dreaming about this. The prawn was beautifully tender and flavoursome, the puri soft and moreish and the sauce intricate and supremely tasty. It was one of the best starters I have ever had.
Our other starter was the £5.50 butternut squash soup infused with ginger, chilli and turmeric and served with a mini Indian garlic bread. But don't be fooled by its mellow yellow sheen, this soup packs a punch.
There was a light-hearted bickering over the mains as we both wanted the £14.50 murghi diya doniya, a spectacular dish that earned Sitab Curry Chef of the Year awards back in 1999 and 2001.
Victorious
In the end, I was victorious and in the interest of variety he went for the £13.90 murghi xacuti, which is chicken marinated with garlic and ginger and cooked with a special goan spiced paste.
I also had my eye on the renowned, and also award-winning, goan tiger prawn massala for £23.90 but was worried you may think I had some sort of prawn addiction. The Kashmiri hot lamb curry for £14.90 and Bilash super for £13.90 also looked good, the latter coming with the menu note: "Once you have tried this dish, you will never try another chicken dish anywhere anytime."
Veggies are catered with, among others, the mixed vegetable sizzler platter for £11.50 or the khate bhengun for £9.50.
But, if you're really going for it or celebrating something special, then try the £28.90 lobster chori chori, which is diced lobster cooked with caramelised onions, ginger, garlic, turmeric, chilli, garam massala and tomatoes.
The murghi diya doniya is chicken breast marinated and cooked in garlic, ginger, sesame oil, onion, coriander, curry leaves, mint, chives, tomatoes and green chillies. It is served on soft and tasty stir-fried noodles. It was zingy, it was warm, it was subtle, it was punchy, it was all things to all men and I loved it. There was many an envious look from across the table too.
But the murghi xacuti was a fine runner-up. A milder dish, for which we ordered a plain naan bread and pilau rice to accompany, but was still full of taste and texture, very subtlety spiced. By now, our tastebuds were singing and I was glad Bilash had lived up to its decades of hype, illustrated by the many reviews and accolades that hang framed on the wall.
There were also plenty of "ummms and ahhhs" from the tables around us, which included a trio of top NHS bods, a rather tipsy gaggle of yummy mummies, couples enjoying date nights and an incredibly glamorous grandmother in a fur coat and diamond necklace.
Throughout the meal, the attentive and polite waiters ensured the diners had everything they needed and Mohammed chatted to the regulars, of which there appeared to be many. It seems Bilash is a place you don't just visit once. I overheard him cheerfully saying to one group "everyday is a working day for me, even Christmas Day". And that dedication and heart is clearly what's made Bilash such a success, it is an attention to detail that you just don't get in other restaurants around here, whatever style they may be.
When it came to dessert, often the failing of many an Indian restaurant, the choice was impressive. A tray was brought out containing chocolate tortes, fruit flans and custard cakes and our eyes widened. But, despite being handcrafted and beautiful to look at, we were too full by this point and unfortunately had to decline.
We sat contented as we finished off our drinks and speculated about the so-called "curry house coup" of 2006. This being the rather brilliant story that Bilash was the venue where West Midlands MPs Tom Watson and Sion Simon met to discuss the plan to oust Tony Blair as Prime Minister.
Folklore
Blair revealed the tale in his autobiography, Watson has always denied the meal played any part in the drafting of a letter calling on him to quit. Still, it has gone down in Wolverhampton folklore – and done Bilash no harm whatsoever. The bill arrived in the middle of our gossipping.
Gulp. The infamous Bilash bill, will it be as bad as the rumours suggest? We had three drinks, bottled water, poppadoms and relish and two courses each – the damage was £73.45. Yes, it was more expensive than the average but it was worth every penny. There was not a single crumb left on the plates and we were as blissed out and fabulously full as could be. It's always a good sign when you have to have a lie down after a meal in my opinion.
Quite simply, you can't find food like the Bilash's any where else and it's no fluke Sitab and Mohammed have been at the top of their game for three decades – they know exactly what they're doing. So don't be afraid, venture through that famous door. You'll be happy that you did.