Black Country comedian Jonny Cole talks Jamie Carragher, Beast from the East and Putin

So 'ere we am again me muckas , 'ere to tek a look at the year as it happens, an' I couldn’t talk about March without mentionin' the ‘Beast from the East’ which, coincidentally, is also the nickname I affectionately gave to a wench I used to date from Tamworth.

As usual, we, as a country, struggled to cope with dramatic changes in temperature, as an icy polar vortex popped over from Siberia. Predictably, many parts of the Midlands come to a stand still, as we all know there’s onny two types of weather round our way, and that’s rainin’ and too ‘ott.

Social media went puddled this month when Liverpool football legend and Sky Sports pundit Jamie Carragher found 'imself in hot werter when he was caught on camera spittin' at a motorist that had bin givin' him some stick about Man Utd’s win over their scouse rivals. Unfortunately for Carragher, his bad boy behaviour resulted in a 14 year owd wench gerrin' an eye full of flob. The driver wor without criticism either, for filmin' the incident while drivin', but he claims the car wuz hardly movin'.

I suspect the biggest danger to fella motorists would've bin after the event, when he was drivin' while rubbin' his 'onds together with the prospect of how much money he wuz gonna get from the papers. Bosses at Sky Sports have subsequently suspended the fans favourite until the end o' the season and have said they will discuss his future then. In the meantime Jamie is considerin' a new career path. Some say he will focus on 'is academy. Others am suggestin' he forms a double act with Bob Carolgees.

The saddest day o' the month for me was when online comedian Mark Meechan, of Coatbridge in Lanarkshire, was found guilty of communicating a 'grossly offensive joke video' , in a Scottish court last wik, strikin' a huge blow against comedy an' freedom of speech. The ball is now rollin' and it'll onny be a matter of time before I get arrested for pokin' fun at eyebrows in Tippun.

In sport, the Irish found the perfick way to celebrate St Patricks Day this month, by wipin' the floor with the English at rugby, tekkin' the Gran' Slam for onny the therd time in their history, and winnin' all the prizes on offer in the 2018 Six Nations Championship. This come just days after the England head coach had to apologise unreservedly for publicly describin' the Irish team as 'scummy'. I suspect in Ireland, revenge is best served cold and dark with a shamrock motif on the yed.

Spakin' o' cold 'n dark, Teresa May has had her gloves off this month as her took on the Russian leader Vladimir Putin, over suspected foul play in Salisbury. He claims she's crackers, but accordin' to the sung, he loves crackers doh he? “If yam blue an' yow doh know weer to gew to, why doh yow gew where fashun fits...”

Doh let the buggers get ya dahn.

By Jonny Cole