Black Country comedian Jonny Cole on public outrage, Cyrille Regis, The Super Bowl, suffragettes and bananas

Orright me muckers! At lung last it's Febury and as we am all slowly gerrin' back to normality, ah'm chuffed to announce ah've got the most excitin' newers... Everythin' is fine.

Absolutely fine.

We ay gorra thing to worry abaht. So much so, we as a population am now havin' to werk harder than ever to find reasons to get offended, upset or generally feel passionate abaht. Since me last column we've 'ad models suddenly feelin' objectified after bein' happy to be labelled a "model" since it become a viable profession, public toilet signs have had to be changed to mek sure they'm reflectin' how we truly feel inside, other than constipated, and the French am riotin' over cheap chocolate spread... The 'owder generations that dealt with air raid warnins, rationin' and an outdoor pon must be lookin' on in amerzement at how wonderful modern day life is, so well done everyone, we'm doin' great!

In sport this month, we mourned the loss of Cyrille Regis, an inspirational man that will have his name etched in Midlands football history for ever more. I wus lucky enough to werk with the legend and he will be truly missed.

Meanwhile, across the pond 103.4 million of us tuned in to Super Bowl 52 to enjoy the razermertaz that onny the Yanks can deliver! Pink bosted off a crackin' Star Spongled Bonner, while half-time entertainment responsibilities fell to Justin Timberlake, who dazzled millions with his ability to dance to his own records, and he was even good enough to join in on the singin' on a couple o' the choruses! If yow missed it, yow con catch JT mimin' live in Brummagem in June... Oh yeah, and some lads played American Football.

In food newers, bananas am under threat of extinction which has caused mixed reactions from health and safety experts who'm lookin' forward to the drap in comedy related slips and falls. And experts've said this month that there's a direct link between the chemicals in fast food and a cure for baldness. Well I can categorically tell everyone this must be fake news, cuz I sit here bald as a coot and a veritable sniper's dream thanks to the variety of fast food outlets I help fund.

This month we'm also celebratin' 100 years of women gerrin' the vote and lookin' back to efforts and sacrifices the suffragettes med fer the cause. No one can accuse me of being sexist. Well, actually they did once. When I told the missis abaht it, her was that surprised her nearly drapped the iron in the sink. P.S. This wuz a joke (a self- deprecatin' statement that is med to cause amusement and is no way a true representation of mar feelings... Jokes used to be popular in the olden days...)

Until the next time, dow let the buggers get ya dahn...