Jimmy Kimmel makes gags about Barbie snubs, film run times and Christopher Nolan
The Oscars host took aim at a wide range of subjects.
Jimmy Kimmel returned as Oscars host and used his opening monologue to skewer some of the famous faces in the audience, Barbie’s Oscar snubs and the running time of the nominated films.
Here are a look at his best gags:
– On box office bomb Madame Web:
“This night is full of enormous talent and untold potential but so was Madame Web so who knows?”
– On Greta Gerwig’s directing snub for Barbie:
“Now Barbie is a feminist icon thanks to Greta Gerwig, who many believe deserves to be nominated for best director. I know you’re clapping but you’re the ones who didn’t vote for her by the way. Don’t act like you had nothing to do with this.”
– On Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling:
“Look kids, it’s Barbie and Ken sitting just near each other. Ryan and Margot, know that even if neither one of you wins an Oscar tonight, you both already won something much more important – the genetic lottery.”
– On Christopher Nolan:
“Christopher Nolan doesn’t have a smartphone. He doesn’t use email. He writes his scripts on a computer with no internet connection, which is a powerful way of saying I will not allow my porn addiction to get in the way of my work.”
– On the performance of dog Messi in nominated film Anatomy Of A Fall:
“I haven’t seen a French actor eat vomit like that since Gerard Depardieu.”
– On film run times:
“There were so many great movies that held audiences captive this year. And I mean that literally. Your movies were too long this year. The average length of the top 10 movies was two hours and 23 minutes. That’s up 30 minutes from three years ago.
“When I went to see Killers Of The Flower Moon, I had my mail forwarded to the theatre. Killers Of The Flower Moon is so long, you could drive to Oklahoma and solve the murders yourself.”
– On Bradley Cooper:
“I guess the question is how many times can one bring his mom as his date before he is actually dating his mom? Are you working on a movie about Freud right now and not telling us?”
– On Taxi Driver:
“In 1976, Jodie Foster was young enough to be Robert De Niro’s daughter. Now she’s 20 years too old to be his girlfriend.”
– On the new Oscar for casting:
“That is great news for actors because now not only will you be able to watch someone else win an Oscar for a part you didn’t get, you will also be able to watch the person who didn’t think you were right for it win one.”
– On last year’s writer’s strike:
“As a result, actors no longer have to worry about getting replaced by AI thanks to this historic agreement. Actors are now able to go back to worrying about being replaced by younger, more attractive people.”
– On what Hollywood learned from the strikes:
“This long and difficult work stoppage taught us that this very strange town of ours – as pretentious and superficial as it can be, at its heart is a union town. It’s not just a bunch of heavily Botoxed, Hailey Bieber-smoothie drinking, diabetes-prescription abusing, gluten-sensitive nepo babies with perpetually shivering chihuahuas.
“This is a coalition of strong, hard-working mentally tough American labourers; women and men who would 100% for sure die if we even had to touch the handle of a shovel.
“But the reason we were able to make a deal is because of the people who rallied besides us. So, before we celebrate ourselves, let’s have a very well deserved round of applause for the people who work behind the scenes.”
However, there were jokes that did not land so well, such as a gag that seemingly referred to Robert Downey Jr’s history with substance abuse:
“This night is the highest point of Robert Downey Jr’s long and illustrious career, well one of the highest points.
“Was that too on the nose or was that a drug motion?
“Look at this guy. He’s so handsome, so talented. He’s won every award there is to win. Is that an acceptance speech in your pocket? Or do you just have a very rectangular penis?”
