My perfect weekend: Steve Hughes

It's Friday afternoon whats on your mind?

Like most comedians, I'm probably contemplating; well not contemplating, that sounds a little dramatic – but my thoughts will be on the club in which I'm performing.

Comedians aren't particulary social creatures, at least the good ones aren't.

Most spend their weekends on stages or socialising in dressing rooms talking about the audience. If it wasn't for performing, most comics wouldn't have a reason to go out on Friday night.

Who usually has the pleasure of your company on weekends?

The audience, strangers, bar staff, doormen, other comedians, club owners, promoters, stage managers, sound guys, chicks on the door, cab drivers, service station attendants, kebab shop owners, hotel doormen, house-keeping and myself.

How do you prepare for a big night out?

Having a job that requires you to be out means you are sort of always involved in a big night out, so to speak.

So the best way to prepare for a big night out is to know you can stay in. Comedians don't live like other people – they have parties on Tuesday, so that people will show up.

What's your favourite party outfit?

Something cool yet casual, light hearted and with a sense of elitism.

I favour a rugged-yet-poetic ensemble that would look homely on the dandy or the rogue: well, either that or jeans, a t-shirt and jacket.

You've just arrived at the bar. What's your first drink?

How British already implying I'll be having more than one. If I was in Ireland I would start with Guinness, as cliched as that may be.

If I'm in Australia in the summer in some proper dusty place with an old school pub, I wouldn't want anything more than beer. Cold beer on a hot day is like a dream sometimes and it smells like Australia in the 1970s when it was good.

What is your favourite night spot?

The Crobar in London. It's small and sweaty with good-priced drinks, a juke box full of metal, a mixed clientele and cool décor.

What tune always gets you on the dance floor?

Nothing. There is no tune that gets me on the dance floor. I am a heavy metal drummer and a comedian. My DNA is hard-wired to be anti-dance.

It's a sunny Saturday, what are you up to?

I haven't had a weekend off for so long I don't know anymore. I could easily sit in a room and play drums to Rush records all day and be perfectly happy.

But if I was socialising then I'd probably choose a backyard with food outside, wine, music, chairs and intelligent eccentric people who either who smoke or don't mind if others do.

Most memorable weekend ever and why?

Easter weekend 1987, doing our first interstate band tours of Australia, travelling to Melbourne from Sydney with Slaughter Lord and Mortal Sin.

We hired a bus and filled it with our friends and instruments and drove for 12 hours to play our first real tour, real in our eyes at least as we had no real scene as such and it was just exhilarating and amazing and had me learn that that feeling, that creative drive is what you must always obey.

What is the recipe for the perfect night in?

See the answer for a sunny Saturday, except move it all indoors.

Favourite DVD and what would you eat while watching it?

To be truthful I've never thought about such details, but let's say we were watching the Big Lewbowski, we could eat popcorn and beer and twinkies, which is revolting and yet strangely appealing in that too-many-White-Russians-in-the-California-sun kinda way.

Or we could get Apocalypse Now, which makes me think of ribs and steak Budweiser and red wine.

It's not normal movie food, but is fitting I think.

Sunday breakfast: cooked or continental?

That entirely depends on what you did the night before and on what country you are in.

If you are in Finland then the continental breakfast will be of the highest order an amazing display of breads and rolls, black bread and seeded, pastries and croissants, cheeses and hams and salamis with pickles. There'll be cucumber, tomato, capsicum, cereals, yoghurt and coffee and only a fool would choose otherwise in my opinion.

But I can murder egg and chips.

Sunday lunch, Home or the pub?

I've been on the road so long that such things as Sunday lunch are small luxuries.

I've had a lot of Sunday lunches in airports and service stations, so I'll either be at home or the pub, both are better than the Welcome Break.

When and how do you like to relax?

I'll be relaxing when I'm not performing in your town!

But for the time being, I'm all over the place on tour and if you want to know where to find me (not relaxing but discussing BIG ISSUES) you can go to www.stevehughes.net.au

At other times, I'll usually just play guitar and read books.

You've got a whole weekend off and a wad of money in your back pocket. Which country or city would you head to and what would you do when you got there?

I wouldn't go anywhere that required travelling.

But if someone sent me in a trans-dimensional reality machine that could zap me there in zero time, then I would go to Amsterdam with my girlfriend and sit by the canal in the summer sun, in a rickety steel and wicker chair on a cobblestone street, with a beer and mint tea.

* Steve is on the road in the UK with his new tour, Big Issues, which will reach The Public in West Bromwich tomorrow and the Civic, in Wolverhampton, on Sunday while he also plays The Glee Club in Birmingham on November 25.