Film Talk: Masked maniac brings the love in Valentine's slasher Heart Eyes
Love is in the air, and Cupid’s arrow is flying around the flicks.
Of course, this weekend it’s also accompanied by Captain America’s shield...
This Valentine’s weekend certainly offers something for film fans of every breed. With the immortal Harrison Ford finally joining the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), Captain America: Brave New World is set to see multiplexes across the land packed to the rafters with true believers.
With Anthony Mackie flexing his pecs in the titular role for the first time in a feature length picture, this one is (incredibly) the 35th flick in the MCU as whole. For context, even Bond has only had 25 so far.
However, while the Marvel fans will be itching to get their stars and stripes on, there will be many a romantic looking for more traditional Valentine’s cinematic fare.
With this, we’re happy to report that Bridget is back.
Reprising the most famous role of her career for a fourth series entry, Renée Zellweger is putting the big pants on again to bring us the joy of our favourite former singleton in Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy.
With Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, and Jim Broadbent et al back in treasured past parts, the cast for this one is also bumped up by franchise newcomers Chiwetel Ejiofor and Leo Woodall. As always with the wonderful world of our Bridget, plenty of heartstring plucking can be assured. Yet, as there can now no longer be a truly great Christmas without a bit of Violent Night, no Valentine’s weekend would complete without a good, honest slasher.
In our top spot this week, Heart Eyes is the rom-com serial killer yarn that is looking to put a bit of brutal bite in our buffet of Valentine’s fun.
Starring Olivia Holt and Mason Gooding, this one is out to prove that despite the season, romance is dead.
Ready to get stuck in? Lights, camera, action...
HEART EYES (UK 18/ROI 16, 97 mins) ***
Released: February 14 (UK & Ireland)
Scream actor Mason Gooding doubles down on misfortune this Valentine’s Day, trading Ghostface for another seemingly unstoppable masked maniac in a gleeful comedy slasher directed by Josh Ruben, which gives new meaning to loving someone to death.
A script co-written by Phillip Murphy, Michael Kennedy and Happy Death Day filmmaker Christopher Landon enthusiastically bear hugs well-worn horror and rom-com tropes including a meet cute in a coffee shop, physical pratfalls, jump scares and a titular menace sneaking up behind victims to plunge a knife through politely yielding flesh.
Gooding’s sensitive and soulful singleton is chivalrous under pressure, in touch with his emotions and maintains an impressive six-pack with afternoon yoga sessions. “These muscles were not made for violence. They were made for cuddling,” he asserts dreamily.
Screen partner Olivia Holt is the slap to his tickle, a battle-scarred cynic when it comes to the notion of everlasting, monogamous love: “It’s a farce, a lie.” The two leads kindle plentiful sparks as they work together to avoid a close encounter with blades, bullets and crossbow bolts on the night of February 14, when lovers traditionally exchange cards or engagement rings not fearful final words before a grisly demise.
The Heart Eyes Killer, abbreviated to HEK by police and the media, is a masked-clad maniac who has slaughtered loved-up couples in Boston and Philadelphia on Valentine’s Day.
This year, the merciless predator has chosen Seattle as their playground, not that residents know it yet.
The city is home to long-suffering advertising exec Ally (Holt), whose latest pitch to her bullying boss (Michaela Watkins) is deemed tone-deaf and offensive. To salvage the campaign and her career, Ally must work with consultant Jay Simmons (Gooding), who is in Seattle for one night (yes, they will be sleepless).
After a brainstorming dinner, the colleagues are embroiled in a minor first aid emergency, which escalates into life or death when Ally discovers Heart Eyes hiding in her closet.
Ally and Jay loudly protest that they aren’t consciously coupled so should be spared but the killer pursues them regardless. Meanwhile, police detectives Hobbs (Devon Sawa) and Shaw (Jordana Brewster) piece together clues to the lunatic behind the mask.
Heart Eyes is a frothy, fast-paced treat that delivers laughter and slaughter in dizzyingly quick succession.
Squelchy death sequences escalate in intensity and gratuitous gore, leaning in heavily to the unapologetic madness of the final 20 minutes, which the central duo aptly describe as “an all you can kill buffet”. Whoops are loud and plentiful including a scene-stealing turn from Gigi Zumbado as Ally’s no-nonsense best friend, who welds together romantic comedy film titles to say anything about love, actually. Cute.
THE SLOTH LANE (UK U/ROI G, 90 mins) ***
Released: February 14 (UK & Ireland)
A family of Mexican sloths shift into top gear in an Australian animated adventure directed by Tania Vincent and co-directed by Ricard Cusso, which grazes in the same universe of anthropomorphic do-gooders as Combat Wombat and Daisy Quokka.
Even more than its light-hearted predecessors, The Sloth Lane attempts to emulate the animal magic of Zootropolis, which featured a three-toed sloth named Flash, whose disposition was hilariously ill-suited for a job at the Department of Mammal Vehicles.
In Vincent and Cusso’s gently paced picture, the youngest member of the Romero Flores family is determined to disprove the theory that sloths are the slowest, laziest and most boring members of the animal kingdom.
Consequently, young Laura races through life and barely pauses to smell the roses… or any of the flowers in her horticulturalist father’s lovingly tended garden.
A freewheeling script co-written by Vincent and Ryan Greaves delivers a predictable lesson about “more haste, less speed” before a hare-brained heist that dominates a frenetic final half-hour that opts for a different form of zombification to the mind control practised in Combat Wombat: Double Trouble.
Vocal performances are as consistent and solid as the tempo, leaving American stand-up comedian and actress Leslie Jones little room to twirl whiskers as the “spotted maniac” responsible for lacing fast food with a hyper-caffeinated additive that temporarily boosts productivity.
The Sloth Lane doesn’t deliver the same jolt of energy to audiences.
A devastating storm rages through the town of Tropicasa, destroying the Esto Es Vida! restaurant run by green-fingered father Luis (voiced by Ben Gorrono), forgetful mother Gabriella (Olivia Vasquez), lazy son Mani (Facundo Herrera) and impatient daughter Laura (Teo Vergara).
The clan hit the road in a “rusted hunk of junk” taco truck and resettle in Sanctuary City, home to cheetah entrepreneur Dotti Pace (Jones) and her rapidly expanding chain of Zoom Fuel fast food outlets.
Gabriella’s home-cooked Mexican fare outshines Zoom Fuel’s unappetising signature burger, which is pumped full of a patented ingredient that turbo-charges customers for the rest of the day.
Dotti is determined to get her greedy paws on the Romero Flores family’s cherished recipe book.
She appeals to youngest child Laura, who is stuck in the kitchen when she would rather be playing cricket with pals Arlo (Matteo Romaniuk) and Kayleigh (Evie).
“With my name and your recipes, we can conquer the whole ecosystem!” says Dotti excitedly.
The Sloth Lane accelerates gradually then finds a sudden burst of speed for its madcap resolution.
Young audiences will savour the colourful visuals and broad visual gags but parents largely go hungry for 90 minutes.
The thorny issue of Gabriella’s faltering memory is addressed lightly to avoid distress.
A protracted subplot introduces Laura’s newfound love of cricket. Howzat? Unnecessary narrative padding.
BRIDGET JONES: MAD ABOUT THE BOY (UK 15/ROI 15A, 124 mins) ***
Released: February 13 (UK & Ireland)
Two-time Oscar winner Renee Zellweger reprises her role as Helen Fielding’s indomitable heroine in the fourth and potentially final instalment of the romantic comedy franchise.
It has been four years since lawyer Mark Darcy (Colin Firth) was killed while on a humanitarian mission in Sudan. Bridget is a widow and single mother to nine-year-old Billy (Casper Knopf) and four-year-old Mabel (Mila Jankovic), raising the children with the help of their incorrigible godfather, Daniel Cleaver (Hugh Grant).
Best friends Shazza (Sally Phillips), Tom (James Callis) and Jude (Shirley Henderson) encourage Bridget to dip her toes back into the dating pool by setting up a profile on a popular app.
An enthusiastic younger man, Roxster McDuff (Leo Woodall), pursues Bridget to the envy of female work colleagues. However, there is also a spark with her son’s officious science teacher, Scott Wallaker (Chiwetel Ejiofor), who is seldom separated from his whistle.
CAPTAIN AMERICA: BRAVE NEW WORLD (UK 12A/ROI 12A, 118 mins) ***
Released: February 14 (UK & Ireland)
Last year, Deadpool & Wolverine restored the lustre of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), amassing more than 1.3 billion US dollars at the worldwide box office to become the second biggest film of the year behind Inside Out 2.
The next chapter of phase five of the MCU is a continuation of the TV series The Falcon And The Winter Soldier, following Sam Wilson (Anthony Mackie) as he explores his heroic new role with vibranium wings and Captain America’s distinctive shield.
US Secretary of State Thaddeus “Thunderbolt” Ross (Harrison Ford) charms voters and is elected President of the United States.
With great power comes great stress, as Ross faces a devastating international incident. Wilson and US Air Force First Lieutenant Joaquin Torres (Danny Ramirez), aka the new Falcon, are rallied for a daredevil mission to avert global catastrophe.
