How to cope with a break up: Don't make divorce a drama for children
Finding out their parents are getting a divorce can be the most devastating moment of a child's life. It can be a lot to take in and can leave them feeling upset, confused and unsure where to turn. But as a parent, there are ways to help make the experience less painful for them.
1. Be honest and discuss how to break the news to your children beforehand. Keep it simple, they don't need to know all the ins and outs but they will want to know why it's happening.
2. Present a united front – make sure you are both there to talk to them together when you first tell them what's happening. This will help to reassure them that you are both still going to be there in the future.
3. Be patient – their sadness and shock is not going to disappear overnight, they could take some time to get their heads around what is happening. Make sure you are a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear when they want to talk.
4. Reassure them – let your children know that you love them and you will still be there to care for them as you always have. They need to know that your love for them has not changed.
5. Stick to routines – make sure they still have the same structure to their days. Knowing what to expect next will help them to feel more secure. Don't make any drastic changes to their lives.
6. Keep it amicable – never argue in front of your children, whether it's in person or over the phone. Make sure your children are not around if discussions are likely to turn into arguments.
7. Stay positive – although it's hard, try to look on the bright side. Children pick up on how you're feeling so will feel more positive if you show that you are upbeat about the future too.
8. Don't blame each other – this will only cause confusion and cause your children to feel conflicting loyalty and feel torn between you both.
9. Set aside your anger – commit to trying to work together to parent your children after the divorce. Being friendly with each other will also help to reassure them.
10. Take care of yourself – the stronger you are, the more you can be there for your children. Talking to friends or support groups for advice can help you cope with what's happening.
