Lou's Women on babes, ducks and chicks

In the old days it would have been "madam" – but now it's more likely to be "babe (or round these parts 'bab')", "love", "duck" or "chick/chuck", writes Louise Jew.

So do we mind these very familiar ways that complete strangers, including shop staff, barmen or just about anyone in the street, might address us?

Poor old bus drivers in Brighton were recently warned they could face the sack for being over-friendly with female passengers by addressing them with titles such as "babe, love or darling".

It followed a complaint by a woman passenger, who thought such language used to her by a driver was "demeaning".

We Lou's Women are made of more sympathetic and tolerant stuff – and are happy for most people to call us pretty well any kind of friendly term they like.

It's often down to the way such things are said – and by whom and in what context.

If it's a simple, amicably delivered sobriquet, fine.

But there are times where the inflection or tone can sound patronising, like "OK luurve" – or leery, accompanied by a lascivious look, as we walk past.

In years gone by, policemen used to call women "ma'am" – and I must confess there have been times when I've thought the way it was actually expressed by some could be rather patronising, almost to the extent of being a lack of, rather than affirmation of, respect.

Nowadays there's one very young shop assistant who insists on calling me "love" and it did make me wonder "oh dear, is that because she reckons I'm some poor old dear?" – but other customers have assured me she uses the same expression to everyone, no matter what their age.

So, on the whole, we say "bring it on – call us what you will."

And, certainly, please don't go sacking any bus drivers for a throw-away line, however un-PC it might be to those with no sense of humour.

Give us your views - join in the debate by using the comment form below

Irina James, a German-born language coordinator, says: "I personally would not use any of these terms on people I don't know, as I come from a different tradition. However, when I was still unfamiliar with these terms of endearment, many years ago, I did wonder. Nowadays, where our world and language use is often very crude and frigid, I do actually, in a strange sort of way, enjoy the 'darlings & loves'. They are meant to sound caring and add a kind and thoroughly human, innocent touch to everyday encounters."

Retired driving instructor Helen Broadhurst, aged 81, says: "Brighton bus drivers are just being friendly. Banning those terms is just ridiculous. In Stoke- on- Trent, where I come from everyone is 'duck' – men and women – and no one ever gets offended."

Zumba teacher Lou Thomas says: "Strangely I don't mind familiar terms being used by men but don't like it from women. And I think it makes a difference on the circumstances. It seems OK from bus drivers or taxi drivers but not bank managers !"

Student Alice Durant says: "Personally I don't mind pet names at all! In fact I think they make me feel more comfortable with the person as it's more informal. Saying this, I think if they're used in a negative way or sarcastically, it does really offend me and there is no need for it. I think it depends on the term you are using and the person you are using it with."

Midwife Ellie Wright says: "I'm not offended with someone calling me pet or love provided it is in the right context. If it is their natural way of addressing people and they are being friendly and polite why shouldn't they continue? It may be slightly informal and not PC but if said with the right intention why should this be offensive? Such terminology varies from region to region, which somehow adds to the character of the area. What is the problem?"

Student Holly Dodd says: "Men are constantly addressing each other as 'mate' or 'our kid' where I go to uni. You can't go anywhere in Stoke, for instance, without a member of either sex calling you 'duck' and my boyfriend, in his job, has been hailed by a variety of terms including 'honey-bunch', 'my lovely' and even as colourful as 'little dragon'- all well meaning and completely harmless. Often these terms of endearment come as naturally to people as breathing and are part of the regional dialect, without a hint of derision or condescension."

"Llama Lady" Chris Armstrong says: "I have no problem with bus drivers calling me love etc (I never use the bus). They don't know our name and want to feel some closeness to their customers. This is perfectly normal. They are not being derogatory or patronising. I work in care homes and as I don't know every resident's names I judge who will be happy to have some affectionate banter. It's not difficult when you know how! I'm not particularly fond of much younger people calling me Chick or Bab but I appreciate the feelings behind the words."

Britain's Got Talent star Jean Martyn says: "Sacking the bus drivers!!! Whatever next? Drivers for years have used the words "mate" or "love" in the case of male and female. I am an ordinary working class girl. The term "love" when used is a term of endearment . There is too much snobbery in this world and people who have always used a term of endearment in this way, why should they change? I'd rather someone say "How are you love?" than use the F word any day."

Conservationist Sheena Hamilton says: "It's just colloquial language and I can't see anything wrong in that – a term of endearment not insulting. In some parts of the country they call a girl 'lass' – and I don't mind being called 'love' or 'sweetheart'."

Web developer Julie Wilson says: "Maybe they're just too posh in Brighton! They wouldn't be able to stop bus drivers in this area from calling people "love" or "dear". There's someone in the canteen at work who always calls me "Bab" – I think it's nice and there's nothing wrong with it."

Willenhall Carnival Queen Stacey Senior says: "Strangely I'm not particularly offended by older, non-threatening, men who say 'darling', bab' or 'love' as it feels old school and sociable in some ways; my older relatives talk in that way and it feels respectful and affectionate. But a younger man who is a stranger saying any of the above to me would feel very wrong! It has a different meaning to me I suppose and I wouldn't appreciate anyone but my fella or friends referring to me as 'babe' as that's way too personal! After all, these drivers are at work and I wouldn't be encouraged to use references like that at work. Having said that they are not alone; you might expect your butcher or local market stall folk to talk this way, even care staff and postal workers. Particularly if you live in the Black Country where it is 'statistically' rated a very friendly place. Like with everything else, it's how you come across and whether what you say puts people at ease or puts them off!"

It seems we Lou's Women are made of more sympathetic and tolerant stuff than that lady who complained in Brighton – and are happy for most people to call us pretty well any kind of friendly term they like.

But it's often down to the way such things are said – and by whom and in what context.

As zumba teacher Lou Thomas, of Kinver, says: "Strangely I don't mind familiar terms being used by men but don't like it from women. And I think it makes a difference on the circumstances. It seems OK from bus drivers or taxi drivers but not bank managers !"

Student Alice Durant, from Kidderminster, says: "I think if they're used in a negative way or sarcastically, it does really offend me and there is no need for it. I think it depends on the term you are using and the person you are using it with."

And Willenhall Carnival Queen Stacey Senior says: "Strangely I'm not particularly offended by older, non-threatening, men who say 'darling', bab' or 'love' as it feels old school and sociable in some ways.

"But a younger man who is a stranger saying any of the above to me would feel very wrong!

"It has a different meaning to me I suppose and I wouldn't appreciate anyone but my fella or friends referring to me as 'babe' as that's way too personal!

"After all, these drivers are at work and I wouldn't be encouraged to use references like that at work.

"Having said that they are not alone; you might expect your butcher or local market stall folk to talk this way, even care staff and postal workers.

"Particularly if you live in the Black Country where it is 'statistically' rated a very friendly place. Like with everything else, it's how you come across and whether what you say puts people at ease or puts them off!"

So, from Lou's Women's point of view, if it's a simple, amicably delivered sobriquet, fine.

But there are times where the inflection or tone can sound patronising, like "OK luurve" – or leery, accompanied by a lascivious look, as we walk past.

In years gone by, policemen used to call women "ma'am" – and I must confess there have been times when I've thought the way it was actually expressed by some could be rather patronising, almost to the extent of being a lack of, rather than affirmation of, respect.

Nowadays there's one very young shop assistant who insists on calling me "love" and it did make me wonder "oh dear, is that because she reckons I'm some poor old dear?" – but other customers have assured me she uses the same expression to everyone, no matter what their age.

On the whole, we say "bring it on – call us what you will."

And, certainly, please don't go sacking any bus drivers for a throw-away line, however un-PC it might be to those with no sense of humour.