Peter Rhodes: Big mistake as Chris Evans ditches the glasses

THE Great London Slavery Scandal began with horrifying mental images of chains and shackles and cellar dungeons, as seen in Austria and the United States. Then we learned that these three "slave" women had mobile phones and frequently left the house. There are dark mutterings of "psychological handcuffs" - in other words, no real handcuffs. Now it appears two of the women were part of a commune which went belly-up 30 years ago. Finally, as if to suggest that this may not be the crime of the century, the alleged slavemasters have been granted bail. It will be fascinating to see, when all the hype and hysteria is stripped away, what the hard-headed lawyers of the Crown Prosecution Service make of it all. The word "slavery" is still being bandied about but on the evidence so far, it's hardly Uncle Tom's Cabin, is it?

JUST as there is an art to writing slogans for septic-tank lorries (see previous columns), so there is a special skill in writing press releases to explain why someone has left an organisation. Some years ago, Bradford Council announced that Paul Flowers, the now-disgraced banker, was stepping down because of the "pressure of work". The real reason was that gay porn had been found on his computer. The commonest euphemism, usually employed when someone has been dragged sobbing from the building by security staff, is that that they are "leaving to pursue other projects."

AND on the subject of excrement, a reader points out that while we may describe someone we admire as "cool, calm and collected," the same term also applies to the contents of septic tanks.

OUR changing language. How sad that the word "bounder" has almost vanished from common use, just as a perfect candidate like Flowers comes along. What a bounder.

THE BBC is to create a digital hub in Birmingham, with "a new creative vision" and 80 staff. At a time when every other media organisation is struggling to make money, how simply sublime it must be for Auntie to get her annual bung of £4,000 million from citizens who, if they fail to buy a TV licence, get a criminal conviction. If anyone suggested creating the BBC and its funding system today, they would be laughed out of the Commons. Yet we still put up with the licence, this ludicrous throwback to the 1920s. Why?

CHRIS Evans has had eye surgery and emerged, spectacle-less, into the world. Big mistake. The specs were a big part of the Evans persona, just as they were for Eric Morecambe, Harry Potter and Ronnie Barker. Why throw away part of your image? The starkest warning from showbiz history is Jennifer Grey whose unique profile made her unforgettable in Dirty Dancing. Then she had a nose job. She has since claimed it was a big mistake, because no-one recognises her as the star of Dirty Dancing. If you're not an instantly recognisable celeb, then you're not a celeb at all. Expect the Evans specs (with plain glass) to reappear any time now.

Chris who?

YET another bogus email arrives, this time allegedly from Yahoo, threatening to cut off my service unless I "confirm my account." There was a time when the criminal gangs behind these stings were so illiterate or plain thick that their fake emails were laughable. But now these missives look like the real thing, complete with company logos, and they slip effortlessly past spam filters and expensive security software. You get the impression that the crooks are brighter than the manufacturers.

YULETIDE euphemisms. Watch out for the word "delivered" on the online system used to track your mail-order parcels. "Delivered" may mean the item has been safely delivered to your address. But it may also mean: "Look, I'm only doing this courier job for a few weeks, they pay me a pittance and I can't be arsed to find your house."